10 months sober, just bought a bottle

Hi, I’m 23M and recently moved back to NY after 10 months in LA for rehab and sober living. My recovery experience there was amazing, and I had a strong connection with my fellowship.

Since coming back to my parents’ house about 10 days ago, the urge to use has been overwhelming. Being in my old environment without the structure and accountability of sober living has made it really tempting. I’ve been going to meetings and staying in touch with my sober family and sponsor in LA, but it doesn’t seem to be enough.

Today, without much thinking I bought vodka, beer, and a THC pen. My reasoning was I’d drink just a little so I can be functional tomorrow but got the pen as a backup in case once I got drunk I’d want to get high too. My family has so much faith in me, and I’m terrified of them finding out. I told 3 friends and we had a video chat where they tried to convince me out of it. One even offered to reimburse me if I throw it out, and another promised to take me skiing on Sunday if I stay sober this weekend.

And yet the alcohol and pen are still in my drawer, and I can’t stop thinking about using. I know what I’m risking, but I can’t seem to get rid of them. Help