Only Child / Breadwinner of the Family atb

Problem/Goal: Hi! (F 20) and I just want to get this off my head. I want to say sorry in advance as my narration def is not normal. I have ADHD and its hard for me to stick to one topic. This is more of a rant for lots of things.This is all about my family (skl) and its loongggg asf.

There are times that I hope I have siblings here in this world. Just like the title, I'm an only child. My mother was 18 when she got pregnant by my 25-year-old father. I hate that setup, tbh. They were poor, and mom was rebelling from my grandma so she got herself a husband. My parents have no savings or assets whatsoever. Ff, I was born, and until the day I reached this age, we never had our own house. My father is not a high school graduate, and my mom never went to college due to my grandma being pregnant with her new husband. And my mom became her own sibling's mom, like with the responsibilities and such. Other than that, my father is not an ambitious man; he is fucking okay with forever living in a house that's not his. He doesn't even want to marry Mama, even just a civil one or the one that is sponsored by politicians. I hate him so much! And it hurts lol, as I was once a "daddy's girl."

Sorry for ranting, hahaha! The main point here is my father earns below minimum ( a choice of his own), and my mother doesn't work because she is sickly, and every time she works for her friend's business,? She will get crazy sick. We also have 12+ cats and 1 dog. So when I graduated from SHS, even though I got qualified for PUP, I decided to do a gap year (which is not just for one year, lol. It's till further notice).

I will admit that I am quite smart, and I got hired in the call centre industry. I am now earning 23k a month, and I'm currently paying for a phone since my old phone of 6 years finally gave up. Skl. The point is, I'm feeling tired. I'm the one paying for everything because before, my father wasn't able to pay the rent because of his fcking salary, and I got really embarrassed; my mom was depressed about it because she is ashamed as well talking to the people my father has debt to. So when I got a job, the first thing that I did was pay that debt. Anyway, now I'm the one who is paying for the rent, electricity, my own allowance and travel expenses for work, necessities of the cats, our groceries, my braces (a need), my phone (a need), gas, wifi (a need), and things for personal hygiene.

Sometimes I wish I had siblings that could carry this burden with me. My parents see me as an independent person since they also think I'm smart and can survive by myself, but bruh, it's not like that. I don't know how long I am going to do this and how long I am going to stay in this setup. I wasn't even able to get myself a boyfriend/girlfriend because of this stuff I am carrying. I am telling you, this feeling of mine is not just because I am the breadwinner. This is more of my father!!! This man has been disrespectful to Mama. I will never forget when he had debt and I was in SHS; my mom financed me with her 250 salary per day! And he does nothing. My mom was depressed about it, and he told Mama that he will look for clients for her (for sex). Who the fuck tells that to your wife? And my mom, when I was in kindergarten? She will hurt me if I cant follow her instructions for school purposes. I remember everything. And she was proud of it, telling others that I became smart because of the way she raised me. Bruh? I was traumatised that is why I am like this, a fast learner. Def afraid I will get hurt the moment I failed at first try. She even want to do that as well to her future kids so they can be like me? No way. I am not planning to have one anyway.

That's when I know my fam is broken. I know my mom doesn't love my father anymore. It's more of sympathy since he is getting old now. I hate this family, and it's selfish, but I want a sibling who will share this heartache with me.

Previous attempt : None??

Anyways, I did find my new comfort... HIRONO!! I love their stories bcs I can relate and I treat them as my own child hehe. I only have 2 though since they are not that much of a "need".