Once again, speak to your physician or care provider about things that are right for you! Work with a professional financial advisor if you don't have one or aren't one etc. photos in private, some things removed for personal safety so on so forth.

My mental health struggled a lot when I was unattractive. My glow up has alleviated a lot of pain emotionally and socially and I'm super grateful for that. Prior to glowing up I had to put considerable effort into every behavior and word because I wasn't allowed to have imperfections. Minor mistakes were regarded as full character flaws. If I did something even just once people would assume I'd just muck up all the time. These sort of judgments weighed on me, and it was awful. Now I get judged by raw merits which I think is superb. I may not be looked at extra favorably like a super hot chick, but I'm happy where I am!

I won't lie though, the hardest part of glowing up is coming out on the other side. I dealt with A LOT of resentment and anger about how I was treated in the past and it was VERY tough for me to forgive people treating me differently on looks alone.

OTHER PARTS:

PART 1: THE FACE (+Guidelines, start here if you're new to my posts)

PART 2: THE BODY

PART 3: HAIR, NAILS, MAKEUP, & STYLING

PART 4: PHYSICAL HEALTH

KEY

🕱 - Not doing anymore and most likely would never do again

MENTAL HEALTH

Strengths: Generally balanced and calm, High EQ, Good basic coping skills, strong sense of mindfulness, Decent Big 5 Scores,
Challenges: Crippling ADHD, prone to anxiety, corporate and relationship trauma

THERAPY
★★★★★ | $ (w/ insurance)
Short-term: I use Done and BetterHelp, both of which are easy and accessible.
Long-term: Therapy is hard and finding the RIGHT therapist is an uphill battle but it's one worth fighting.
Frequency: Weekly over several years
NOTES: I've been through so many care providers and I've learned from a lot of them, mostly what I DON'T need. I don't need someone constantly patting me on the back and validating my every feeling. I need to be called out and called to action with my wellbeing and I've only ever had two providers that do that out of like, 6 I've tried, one I found through Betterhelp.

MEDICATION
★★★☆☆ | $-$$ (w/ insurance)
Short-term: I use Done which is easy and accessible.
Long-term: Finding the right medication or combo is challenging. I went through oodles of iterations before we landed on a single, very standard medication for my ADHD that can be taken as a PRN because I want to use coping skills and tools to white knuckle most of the time and only rely on meds in moments where that's completely and totally impossible to do so.
Frequency: As needed (formerly daily or twice daily)
NOTES: Satisfaction was years in the making, and involved some misdiagnosis, but it was worth hanging in there. We also learned I don't need an anxiolytic if I'm not in an abusive environment... Who would have thought???

QUIT TERRIBLE JOB
★★★★★ | $
Short-term: In the moment this was tough. It was terrifying worrying that if I quit I'd be ruined.
Long-term: My sense of wellbeing slowly recovered and I was able to be more thoughtful about my next job which turned out to be an absolutely blast that was super fulfilling.
Frequency: Once
NOTES: Don't stick around anywhere you're unhappy or not treated well. Get outta there.

DUMP TERRIBLE EX
★★★★★ | $
Short-term: Look, it's hard. It's frustrating and heartbreaking especially when you learn certain things certain ways.
Long-term: THANK GOODNESS. I moved on, glowed up, and found a better (smarter, funnier, kinder, taller, hotter, wealthier, and more talented and self-disciplined -- great fellas are out there, ladies, I promise!)
Frequency: Once
NOTES: I found out my ex was lying to me about being divorced through another ex-boyfriend's sister. Talk about awkward. Evidently he was just keeping me around for fun during his separation and wasn't actually attracted to me. That cut deep and really lit the fire of glowing up and getting a better life for myself.

NEW CAR
★★★★★ | $$$$$+
Short-term: Car dealerships are a drag
Long-term: I got my dream car and I'm so, so happy! It has all the features I've ever dreamed of and more, plus it's the color I always wanted and a model that is just gorgeous and perfect for my lifestyle.
Frequency: Once
NOTES: I don't know why I put this off and hung onto my childhood vehicle so hard. I could have done this ages ago and been so much happier with my vehicle and my life.

SELF DEFENSE COURSES
★★★★★☆ | $-$$$
Short-term: Varies by course, but they're well worth the time and attention. There's little to no risk of injury if your instructor is good.
Long-term: I feel more confident being out and about as a tiny woman.
Frequency: A few times throughout my lifetime
NOTES: I did some basic unarmed self defense through the local sheriff's department, and I got my conceal carry, though the latter is primarily for experience and knowledge.

FIRST AID TRAINING
★★★★☆ | $-$$$
Short-term: Varies by course, but they're well worth the time and attention
Long-term: I feel more confident about facing any potential accidents or minor emergencies in my day to day life.
Frequency: Once plus recertification
NOTES: Technically I went beyond this with other medical certifications for volunteer firefighting, but the first aid basics are clutch. I carried Narcan for a little bit, just in case, but don't anymore. I just have a little CPR barrier, gloves, and basic bandaids/alcohol wipes in my purse.

DOG
★★★★★ | $$$$$+
Short-term: Puppyhood is challenging. Getting a good dog is as much work as caring for one but I personally fell in love IMMEDIATELY and it was worth every second. Finding the right companion is definitely a journey. Know yourself, your needs, your lifestyle. I got an Aussie because they're high energy, smart, responsive, affectionate, and built to deal with livestock which my family happens to have a lot of and need a lot of help with.
Long-term: She's my bestie. I'm obsessed. She makes me happy just looking at her. My house is covered in hair and sometimes mud, and I don't even care. My dog climbs on me whenever I'm anxious, like she's some kind of pro DPT therapy animal, and I never even taught her that. We do as much as we can together, and I definitely understand how our species became so codependent across time and cultures. I love taking care of my pets and managing their needs, it's super fulfilling. Frequency: Daily
NOTES: Pets demand a lot of care. They're not for everyone. I've wanted a dog since my childhood dog passed while I was in college, and I finally got my puppy in 2020. We got our second puppy earlier this year, and he's a wonderful little turd bucket

DOG WALKS & PLAYTIME
★★★★★ | $
Short-term: Easy and accessible, can be done almost anywhere.
Long-term: Healthy for all of us, great for our bond, and it honestly just feels good to be playful or enjoy the outdoors in a casual way.
Frequency: Daily
NOTES: I got my pup a giant herding ball and kicking it around the back yard is a blast. I'm also a fan of tug. Now that we have the puppy, I also really enjoy watching them play and "talk through" a game of bitey-face. Both our dogs go to agility/flyball nights and sheep herding camps for fun.

GRATITUDE
★★★★☆ | $
Short-term: I know it sounds lame, but hear me out. This is hard to do at first especially if you're in the dumps, but humans value what others value and so if you're not in a mindset of gratitude and able to frame things positively, people pick up on it and just copy-cat what they think the experience you deserve is.
Long-term: I've always been generally positive, but reframing my past experiences and looking for silver linings has helped a lot in preventing spiraling and also being able to talk about things in ways that don't trigger mistreatment.
Frequency: As needed (formerly daily or twice daily)
NOTES: I usually just list incidents and then try to reframe. e.g. I had an abusive job. But actually, I had an inspiring work experience (because if a psychotic and inept trainwreck who ignores compliance and efficiency like my former boss could make millions off a business that has multiple FDA warning letters without being sued to oblivion, anyone can truly accomplish anything.) It's not always a pretty or obvious reason, but it's a start.

WRITING
★★★★☆ | $
Short-term: I used to do text based RPGs and I LOVED them, but a lot of my fellow writers lost interest over the years or just got too busy. Most of us are still friends but we never write together anymore, so getting into something adjacent I can make money off of has been fun.
Long-term: My goal is to publish a few romance novels on KU at some point, and I'm really exploring my style and favorite tropes etc. Plus, this has inspired me to reconnect with my love of reading romance and doing digital illustration.
Frequency: As wanted
NOTES: It's an easy and cheap hobby, plus it's an important skill and it brings people together.

NEXT STEPS

I think I'm going to keep this up, I've been feeling more and more healthy and find myself laughing more freely since the major traumas I endured in my youth and in 2020.

SOCIAL HEALTH

Strengths: Sense of humor, generally good mood, asks great questions, strong etiquette, interesting hobbies, well-traveled, adaptable, gracious, sociable/charismatic
Challenges: Shyness, low social dominance, struggle to deepen relationships - especially romantically

JOINED LADIES VOLUNTEER ORG
★★★★☆ | $$$
Short-term: Some chapters are difficult to get into. My chapter is by invitation only and you have to be sponsored by another member. There's also an orientation and kind of training retreat which was fun.
Long-term: This resulted in amazing friendships and great opportunities to make a difference in my community including being invited to other boards and organizations. I feel so appreciated and it's a major confidence boost. A lot of these women have become the core of my friend group and 1/2 of my bridesmaids were fellow volunteers. I've connected more deeply with my community and have made a measurable impact on those in need.
Frequency: Weekly
NOTES: Dues and volunteer hours are high but the pay off is worthwhile in terms of quality friendships, network, and learning experiences.

VOCAL TRAINING
★☆☆☆☆ | $
Short-term: It was easy to find a coach and get started
Long-term: I don't know that I really "found my voice" through this or really mastered modulation and control, but at least my husband's eardrums remain intact on long road trips.
Frequency: Weekly
NOTES: I did both musical training and elocution lessons. I found Toastmasters better for rounding out the latter.

BOOKS
★★★★★ | $
Short-term: Waiting for a book to arrive should be classified as torture. I love reading, though, it fills a lot of my idle time.
Long-term: It takes work to apply new skills or information, and it's not always on point, but the payoff is great and I'm always eager to better myself in low-risk ways. Reading offers that opportunity.
Frequency: Daily
NOTES: I'd say this item should be in all of the categories because there are really well written books (and studies) in just about everything. You are required to have some information literacy and parse good quality information from garbage cosplaying as good advice, as well. Someday maybe I'll do a separate reading list post lol

VIDEOS & PODCASTS
★★★☆☆ | $
Short-term: Easy and accessible, can be done anywhere.
Long-term: It's nice to have a more readily available form of information I can consume while my hands and/or eyes are busy to get similar results to books.
Frequency: Daily
NOTES: I don't have a list of all the ones I watch or listen to or can really think of off the top of my head, but if you ask I'll try to go through my spotify.

TOASTMASTERS
★★★★☆ | $$
Short-term: Easy to join and there are chapters everywhere. It's a little intimidating stepping in, but literally everyone there joined because they wanted to improve, not because they're a master.
Long-term: Toastmasters was a huge boost to my social and professional skills. I was constantly reminded in my own mind, "what would x think of this?" when I thought of the others in the group and I was putting together presentations or speaking. They really helped refine my skills and cut bad habits. I definitely noticed people respected what I had to say more and were more engaged even in one on one conversations after just a few meets.
Frequency: Every other week
NOTES: I no longer attend meetings but I'd recommend it to anyone.

JOINED SORORITY
★★★☆☆ | $$$
Short-term: Did you know you can join a sorority after college??? It's called becoming an Alumnae Initiate. The recruitment process is much more low key. It's usually an application and a sponsor. I was invited by a friend from another non-profit who had taken on a major advisory role.
Long-term: I adore these ladies. They're all very easy to get along with and super supportive. The monthly meetings are optional and they always pick something fun and interesting so I never feel like I have to default to being a wallflower. I haven't been in long so none of these friendships are very deep or significant, but I suspect that I'll continue fostering this!
Frequency: Monthly
NOTES: If you want more fulfilling female friendships without having to worry about volunteer hours or meeting requirements, this is the ticket.

JOINED PROFESSIONAL NETWORK
★★☆☆☆ | $$$
Short-term: Easy to do
Long-term: I wasn't too fond of this setting so I only go to a few events when it's interesting.
Frequency: Daily
NOTES: I thought this would be good for networking but it's been kind of hit and miss in that regard and only about half of the events are fun.

FOCUS ON NEURODIVERGENT FRIENDSHIPS
★★★★★ | $
Short-term: This is tough to do, but the more the stigma of ND-ness goes away, the more people are willing to reveal they have ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or something else that differentiates them.
Long-term: These friendships are often deeper, more rewarding, and better connected for me. I finally have the inclusive and warm circle I had dreamt of growing up and we're able to be authentic with one another in ways we can't be with neurotypicals. If I do something wrong I can ask without being accused of starting drama. If I need help with something I can ask without being accused of being needy. If I feel the need to disappear into a cocoon of weird hyperfocus, no one bats an eye or feels offended, they're just excited to hear about my latest discoveries and vice versa. I haven't actively tried to befriend an NT in ages and now they seem more interested in joining our circles than we are in joining theirs.
Frequency: Daily
NOTES: This is high effort high reward if you're ND.

USING STATUS SYMBOLS
★★☆☆☆ | $$$$$
Short-term: This doesn't have influence with everyone or everywhere, but generally a little investment in some pieces of your life like a nicer car or home makes a lasting impression on people and weirdly they treat you better. Smaller pieces like designer accessories don't make much of a difference long-term, but if you can find pieces you love, I wouldn't discourage employing them once in a while to appear less threatening and more respectable in certain circles.
Long-term: My friends are blown away by the view from our front window and love visiting and coming to our events which is lovely. I'm generally treated better by service people in certain industries. People in certain social circles are more friendly towards me. However, the caveat is that once you're "out," you're out. There's no putting the cat back in the bag and sometimes people will approach you about "business opportunities" and it's usually inexperienced techbro or incompetent yet ambitious types that have no business doing business. It also attracts straight up scam artists.
Frequency: Daily
NOTES: I like designer resale or small label designer (Polene comes to mind, and local jewelery) if I buy designer at all because going too far means attracting more negative attention than positive or just looking over the top. Above all, don't go into debt for this. Stabilize your income and growth, then do nice things to reward yourself. If you're taking care of your personal growth and appearance, you'll flourish. This is the last detail you should consider.

RECONNECTED W/ YOUTH BESTIES
★★★★★ | $
Short-term: Awkward at first, but it rapidly became easier
Long-term: This has been amazing. I can't even imagine how/why I lost touch with them. We talk daily in our group chat and send texts and photos about the most mundane things and provide the most amazing support even though some of us are on the opposite sides of the globe. Every minute of every day I know I have access to people who genuinely love and support me, and know me as well as I know myself.
Frequency: Daily
NOTES: This has been the best thing ever. We used to play videogames all night starting way back when Neopets and AIM were a thing. We're spread out across the globe even more now than when we were as teens, but with technology we can recapture that fun. I lost contact around my late 20s and was radio silent for about 3 1/2 years. They folded me back into the group and it was like I was never gone and we're all active in our perpetual group chat every day. I never want to lose this. I'll make sure we end up in the same retirement home if I have to!

STARTED GAMING SERVER
★★★☆☆ | $
Short-term: Easy to do.
Long-term: This has been delightful. Having dedicated space just for my friends and I is wonderful and it serves as a way for us to schedule dedicated connection time.
Frequency: Weekly
NOTES: I got this for my friend group and we've slowly started trickling in friends from outside the core group, so it's been beneficial for everyone and we're all expanding our networks and being able to be playful.

WORKED ON BIG 5 TRAITS
★★★★★ | $
Short-term: This is time consuming and you have to be thoughtful about it and make a real effort. I was already high in agreeableness, openness, and emotional stability, but my conscientiousness could use work and my extroversion was dead and had been replaced by social anxiety.
Long-term: I would say this has panned out the most for me, personally. I focused on becoming more conscientious and extroverted specifically -- especially post glow-up -- most of my scores were in range of what's considered desirable in a scientific sense. I don't know if this project would have succeeded pre-glow-up, it's tough to be extroverted when you're rejected off the bat.
Frequency: Daily
NOTES: I did this with the help of books, therapy, and just kinda personal elbow grease and observation.

HOSTING PARTIES
★★★★☆ | $-$$$
Short-term: It's a lot of up-front effort, and you have to have developed your casual connections pretty well in other environments.
Long-term: I think hosting, especially game nights, builds incredible bonds with people and being a host really challenges your social skills. It's also a great way to make people feel more invited and warm, so they'll feel accepted by you and be more at ease with you.
Frequency: As desired
NOTES: This takes a lot of supplies and pre-planning but don't be intimidated. Even movie nights are fun for some people if you get the right personalities together. In addition to classic holiday get-togethers and little parties, we also host D&D or game night once a week which is super fun. The other side of this is BEING hosted. I could talk for hours about being a great host and guest, but I love to collect hostess gifts that aren't wine and have them on hand for making visits.

NEXT STEPS

I think I'm where I want to be socially, and in terms of my growing friendships. There's more I did but these were the kinds of things I see discussed most and the ones that had the most extreme outcomes.

OTHER STUFF

FINANCIAL HEALTH
Strengths: Guaranteed future income, early credit development, good safety net(s), strong savings, diverse assets, business and finance savvy, well researched
Challenges: Often underpaid for roles, credit dings from a medical debt that was fumbled, weak-ish basic account growth

PROFESSIONAL HEALTH
Strengths: Great education, Continuing education/certifications, strong work ethic, diverse and strong skillsets, good mentorship skills
Challenges: Under-utilized network, toxic industry, meritocratic mindset

ENVIRONMENTAL HEALTH
Strengths: Dry air, cozy and comfy surfaces, great appliances, great natural light, plenty of space, great layout, wonderful fenced in yard, good outdoor and combined spaces
Challenges: Dusty, cluttered/mismatched furnishings, struggle to clean or stay organized consistently, hard water, dry air is VERY dry

I feel like these categories won't be as interesting to this audience specifically. I'll say that I got a lot of little household toys like cleaning robots, humidifiers, air purifiers, organization stuff, seasonal candles, and water filters. Also services like occasional deep cleaning, grout care, dog waste removal (there's a teen in our neighborhood who does this and power washing, super convenient and we're excited to support him), etc. I also started gardening and growing a lot of my own herbs and basic veggies. The biggest difference though was upgrading my professional stable with an attorney (you know what makes an abusive former employer eff off really quickly???), a new financial advisor who's more boutique and personalized and "Gets me", and finally selecting the right therapist.

I expanded my education and skillsets professionally and 180'd my whole career from STEM management to sales and marketing which resulted in a massive income boost and a more easy-going, relaxing work environment. I dabbled in overemployment for a bit but ultimately ended up with my own small business(es) that meets my needs and allows me do fun extra things without cutting into other assets.

Books, books, and more books. I'm always reading, learning, investigating and it's been immensely to my benefit and at times, to those around me. Podcasts have also added significantly to my life. If I can encourage anything it would be a love of yourself enough to take on the burdensome task of facilitating change in yourself and your life, and a love of learning.

Marrying the right person was a huge general life upgrade not gonna lie. My husband has added a lot to my life in terms of general fun and comfort, as well as security in other aspects. I don't think I would have landed him, though, if not for most of my glow up work, especially the physical stuff which is where I was the weakest.

NEXT STEPS

I'm working on my own business. It's just a little thing to keep income flowing and my brain sharp. I'm upgrading and decorating rooms in the house bit by bit. I'd like to hire a professional landscaper at some point to redo some of the backyard and patio so we can enjoy it more and entertain out there more effectively. We're currently working on potentially trying silent partnerships with local businesses but we're waiting for the right timing and opportunities.

OUTCOMES & GENERAL ADVICE

This isn't something you do alone. I have crippling ADHD and a chronic illness, both challenges that mean I have, in some aspects, support needs. Even if I were of standard mind and body, though, I'd lean into and cultivate a great network like most of the women here, my friends, and the professionals I rely on.

As far as compliments and opportunities:

(3/10) Before I really started focusing on my personal growth, compliments were rare. Sure, I’d get the occasional recognition for my style, accomplishments, or skills, but they were few and far between. Sometimes people would acknowledge my character or personality, but even that wasn’t common. I was often underpaid and overlooked in my work, and in general, I felt invisible or met with cranky attitudes. My only serious relationship during those years was toxic, and his family dynamic didn’t help. The world felt harsher, and I often found myself confused by the negative assumptions people made about me. My mental health really struggled under all that weight.

(4/10) By 2020, things started shifting a bit. I got more compliments on things like hair, makeup, and fashion. People seemed a little kinder and more willing to offer support, but I still felt like I wasn’t fully trusted or given the benefit of the doubt. There were still plenty of instances where people would blow me off, and my relationships often left me feeling used or hidden. Professionally, things weren’t much better, I was still underpaid and undervalued by employers. It was progress, but it didn’t feel like much

(5/10) Now, things have really turned around. I get compliments not just on my style, but on the "whole package" from both men and women. For the first time in my life, I’m called pretty, even sometimes beautiful. While it’s not constant, each kind word is such a boost. A while ago a good-looking guy in the Costco checkout line called me "super cute," and it made my day! I’ve even had people guess I’m way younger than I am, which is always a flattering surprise. In general, people are more polite; they open doors, make space for me in groups, talk to me normally, and treat me with decency.

At work, my efforts were finally recognized. While not every achievement was rewarded, I was no longer the scapegoat, and I felt valued. It was enough of a boost for me to launch my own business. I’m also in a marriage I never thought I could have, with someone who truly cherishes me. I’m building stronger friendships, and my income reflects my worth more than ever before. It’s not about being showered with free stuff or constant validation, I’m just genuinely happy to have real opportunity now.

One thing I’ve learned through this journey is that doing something -- even imperfectly -- is better than doing nothing at all. Shortcuts, when used wisely, can still lead to progress. For example, if you’re too tired to brush your teeth, at least rinse. If you can’t fit in a full hour of yoga, take a walk or stretch in your living room. I’ve structured my routines around this mindset, knowing I won’t always be able to do things perfectly. It’s about finding what works, even if it’s not 100% ideal.

That’s a bit of my journey so far. I’m sure I’ve left out some details, but feel free to ask if you have questions! And remember, what works for me may not work for everyone. These reflections are just meant to share some insights into the ups and downs of growth and the different paths available to all of us.