My mom might have cancer. I cannot stop crying and thinking about it.

A few weeks ago my mom went to visit her local physician due to sharp pains in her abdomen. These pains were abnormal, but she has had ulcers before so she just assumed it was that. The physician told her to visit a specialist to get some scans done, and later we found out she had a mass on her liver. Apparently it has been there since 2010, and my mom vaguely knew about it. My mom had told me that the radiologist said that it might be benign but we won’t be sure until we get a biopsy. For the next week, based on what the radiologist said, I figured it was just a benign tumor. Two days ago, after I got home from work, my dad pulled me aside to speak to me privately. He told me that my sister had read the scans and that the tumor had actually grown in size and was growing. On top of that, my mom has lost around 15lbs for seemingly no apparent reason in the last WEEK and she is bleeding out of her vagina. She is post-menopause.

This sounds. Really bad. When my dad pulled me aside he that I needed to be extra nice to my mom from now on.

He was trying to hold back tears. I was too.

My sister is a nurse, and I trust she knows what shes talking about for the most part, and I am studying to be one as well, and I know she is probably right. She symptoms are extremely worrying, and that she really might have liver cancer.

I’m so scared. I don’t want to lose my mom. She annoys me sometimes but I still love her very much. I never imagined that I would be worried that my mother may never see me get my nursing degree. I never considered that she might pass before my grandma did. I feel so horrible for taking her for granted. I wish I had always been nicer to my mom. If this ends up being nothing, I swore that I would treasure my parents from now on.

I’m having trouble sleeping, apparently my dad and my sister are too. We are so worried about my mom.

My mom always had this annoying habit of trying to make us feel bad for her when she had a cold or something, it was something she always did when she was even slightly sick. But this time she isn’t. I can tell she is trying to be strong and happy. I can tell she doesn’t want us to be worried about her, and that she is trying to keep things lowkey to prevent us from being worried about her. But if anything, I am even more worried than I had been before. I have been pondering about why my dad had spoken to me privately without my mom, and I think she told him not to tell me. I think, she truly does not want us to be worried about her.

I cannot stop thinking about it. I keep crying. At work I have to fight back tears. I’m turning 21 this year and I might lose my mom. What if she doesn’t even see me turn 21? I keep thinking so much about things like that. I never even got to sit down and enjoy drinking with her. We were all supposed to take a trip to japan once I became a nurse. I keep imagining her empty seat. Theres so much I want my mom to see and I want to make her proud but I haven’t even gotten my footing yet and I might lose her before I even can. I’m so scared. I’m literally crying as I’m writing this. She is one of the most important people in my life and i hate that I am only realizing this now.

We still haven’t gotten the biopsy so we don’t know for sure if this is cancer. I am praying to god for one of the first times in my entire life that it is not. I’m cannot imagine how scary it is for my mother waiting for this appointment.

I’ve spoken to my girlfriend and a few close friends about it, and I have cried every time. My girlfriend has been absolutely amazing. She has been comforting me and looking out for me this entire time. I feel like she and my other friends are the only thing keeping me from completely breaking.

I am trying to spend as much time with my mom as much as I can. I love my mom.

God I am begging you right now please don’t take her away from us.

If anyone knows a way to help cope I’d love to hear it. At this point I am just looking for someone to talk to to get my mind off things.