I will never get over your absence

I wish this was a dreamlike hell so I could wake up from this nightmare and feel relief knowing that I could snuggle up to you again.

How I wish I could hug you, tell you about my day, ask about yours, even annoy you a little by calling you my goddess or my hottie.

Can you believe I even bought your Christmas present?

I was eagerly waiting for you to bring my niece to spend the December holidays with me. Mine are already marked and I don't know what they will always be like.

I wanted so much to live close to you again to see you more often!

I don't think I'll ever be able to go to your house, in Jova Rural, or to Minas Gerais again without crying profusely or tearing myself apart inside.

I would very much like to believe that we will meet one day or that you are well and still "alive".

Why didn't you wear a seat belt? Did you suffer a lot from the impact?

Why didn't life let us grow old together?

I didn't have "time or opportunity" to go into denial and I'm too skeptical to bargain with the divine. All I'm left with is anger and depression. Will I ever reach serene acceptance?

The reality is very cruel. Unfair and random.

Sometimes it feels like I'm going to explode with so much sadness that I'll have to make a great effort to breathe. Emotional pain suffocates and afflicts.

One of the things about being an adult is knowing that the pain will not be overcome, that it will never go away, but that we will have to live with it; is (trying?) to find strength and serenity to move forward.

I will always love you.