Feeling like an honest to god failure.

I'm only halfway through my 3rd year and I don't know, maybe its my current MOS situation: being in a completely different field than the one I signed for, maybe its just some sand I got in my pussy, I don't know- I feel like I've wasted the past year and half being stationary in comms rather than bugging the fuck out of the career planner to get me latmove paperwork, could also be the classic familial shadow that looms over me but when looking at the Marines that came before me, and even some that I work alongside with, I feel like I'm a wasted cog in my shop, company, squadron (yes I'm a POG, not even the "fun" comms)

I feel like I wasted everyone's time, fuck my own but seeing where I started off and how I've fallen, feels like I've let everyone around me down. I could look around my folk's house and see their letters and how they all felt like I was gonna do something great- but here I am, just another POG in the weird neck of comms. I was signed for the infantry and went to ITB, or IMC whatever their calling it, I stopped paying attention after I got dropped and got a ticket to MCT. Went of to Twentynine Palms for comms school and got a call from my brother who was at work and had me on speaker, "Yo retards my brothers a Marine!" (hoots from everyone around him) "Hey fag how's that infantry camp treating ya? The courses were fucken sick when I went back in 09! Bet you're loving that shit!" "Hey (bro) I didn't make it. I got cut." (I lied and said that they had too many and was cut as a result, in reality I got cut because I didn't even make the CMOS standard via run time at SOI) "Damn bro. That sucks. Gotta get back to work. Laters dude." When I graduated he had an actual prideful look for me- first time I had seen it in him, but he just turned dry towards me for the rest of that year. My folks will always give the smile and the "We're proud of you, even though you haven't done anything." speech (that was quoted) but every time I hear it, it just feels more and more hollow and faker than the last time. They parade and announce my title more than I do, more than I did even straight off MCRD but I don't feel like it belongs to me. I feel like I failed my platoonmates, my DIs, the great Marines that I learned about, everyone that came before me.

I am lucky and absolutely blessed to be surrounded by the family that I have, but I feel so cut out every time I hear or see them, like I'm not there, especially when me being a Marine gets brought up.

maybe i am just being a big ol bitch

TLDR Feels like I failed myself and everyone around me way too early.