Feeling absolutely lost- Sophomore; CS Major.

While working on an activity on resumes in EAS 360 (Stem Communications), I realized that I have nothing to put on my resume. Absolutely nothing- no projects, no work experience. All the people around me have beefed up resumes; even the provided template had demo project descriptions with words that I had never seen, let alone understood. Fall'23 is my third semester, and I am taking CSE 116. When I rewatch the lectures and practice the memory diagrams myself, I kind of grasp the content, but during class, I get lost in all the technical words my instructor uses. I got a B+ in CSE 115, but I know how badly I had crammed and scrapped my way to that grade. I have received A's in the rest of my courses, which created this fake sense of accomplishment in me.

I don't want this post to sound like a niche rant post, but I'm truly tired of myself. I wasted my summer- the three months that I could really use to work on my skills- away from sleeping and playing games. All the Udemy Courses I bought, all the YouTube playlists I never finished-- I do not know what I am doing with my future. CSE is really humbling me, and I can't fathom how I'm going to manage the more advanced courses while I'm struggling in 100-level courses. Projects, internships etc I have no idea what's going on.

All while being an international student- paying a premium tuition fee, sacrificing family and life in general, fighting for a relationship that was never supposed to last- I am genuinely tired. I don't know if there's an escape. Even if there's one, I don't have anyone to guide me.

I apologize for such a messy post. I just needed to vent out. Thanks.