I hate my life

I’m about to 40. Have a joke of a marriage. No career and a crippling amount of debt. I struggling with alcohol weed and cigarettes. The only thing I have to show for my almost 40 years are my kids. And I’m not proud of that. They have a worse childhood than I did. And I feel like the biggest POS for that. I know what I should do, and just kill myself. But I don’t want to put them through that. So I fantasize about dying at work, or in a car accident. Because that would be the best thing for me, and them. I’m in counselling. And this isn’t news to anyone who really knows me. But I’m sick of hearing the same bs from everyone. “Don’t give up” or “it’s going to get better” But it won’t. It never does. It always gets worse. I’ve lost all hope now. I think I’m just waiting to get the balls to end it once and for all.