10g mushroom trip on no tolerance. nearly ended my life by mistake.

This is going to be the darkest thing ill have ever written. I never thought I would be going insane.

so for about 8 months ive tripped about 8 times, always trying to keep a low tolerance, and not ruin the magic of the magic mushies of you will.

I decided to really go big this time. not sure why but it was too many. i would like to say about 10 grams. I knew before I took them, I didn't wanna do this but my whole life I've been a very impulsive person and when I get a thought in my head I can't seem to get it out until I do it. another thing is that I had a bunch of caffeine before hand too. when i ingested the shrooms i threw them up and had to eat them again. this happened about 3 times. I for one dislike the taste, but I've heard others don't mind.

about only 25 minutes in, I got visions so realistic of my body seizing and dying. as if it was happening in real life, I could see the paramedics around me. talking over my dead body. i could also see them having to tell my mom that they couldn't get my physical to stabilize. i could see the paramedics carrying me to the ambulance and i could see all of the tubes hooked up to my body.... I died... I was gone... although I was still trapped in my body and I could feel it decomposing. I could feel bugs crawling out of my head and eating whatever food they could find. and in the mean time I felt and could kind of see this overwhelmingly huge god peer into My soul. I was the size of his thumb, and he was holding me. he looked very concerned. a few minutes after this I then went into the fetal position and what I felt like was dmt being released from my brain, (although i knew it wasn't). After this, although my body was still at the fetal position, my soul was up in the clouds in this glass and colorful reflected room. There were four huge house sized Thrones of the same material. And out of the same material they were four gods, each sitting in there throwing. Everything was the same thing but it was also separate. This all made sense of the time. again, I was tiny compared to them. To keep in mind, this entire 2 hour interaction, there were no words spoken. I only talked to one God the whole time and he used a form of communication where I could hear his voice inside my head and he was telepathically talking to me. He told me that we haven't learned this type of communication yet. he told me I was the chosen one and that my whole life has been leading up to this moment. he told me I needed to and my life as soon as possible to join him and the other gods. this whole interaction felt realer then real life. he seemed to have answers to every question I ever had. he told me that there was no way I couldn't see it, the way ive been more mentally hollow, the way ive been talking, amd how ive been acting more and more reserved and quiet. I've basically been looking and acting like a dead person these past few months. (which i know i haven't, but he some how convinced me i have.) I was going to die for a long time. he told me that he would release me back to earth and I was to forget everything and this whole interaction. but I remembered. I was told that everybody would tell me not to kill myself and that I was going crazy. but they didn't know the real truth. it's the only way to ascend. one thing he did tell me was that do not do anymore drugs or I was going to die. extremely sternly, over and over. Repeated to me at least 10 times when i came back to earth i was repeating the phrase out loud "the gods told me to kill myself... the gods told me to kill myself... the gods told me to kill myself..." I've scared myself out of everything for a while. I feel like I was never meant to know this knowledge, if not I was supposed to forget it. Why would I still remember When I came back to earth? In fact, the whole trip honestly felt like he was 15 minutes long though in reality it was about six and a half hours.

The day after, I had a really bad time distortion and the day felt like it was going extremely slow but at the same time extremely fast. I felt extremely disoriented and mentally empty. It's been a week since I wrote this, and I'm doing a lot better now! I always have been, and am currently focusing on a healthy diet and mental diet too.

Bonus mini story: another time I was on about 6Gs of shrooms and while lying in my bed, a lady right next to me appeared lying down next to me, she was wearing a red dress and had brown hair and lipstick but she was invisible at the same time. She was evil. And gave off a very dark presence. She also telepathically communicated to me and told me she was going to possess me and there was nothing I could do about it. She told me that she was going to take control of my body. Very scary stuff!

Short question for trip, I've only ever had voices in my head while peaking on a very large trip, and have had weird things like this happened to me but only while peaking. unless it's very minor the next day, I've never had anything affect me long term. Should I stop taking mushrooms? are these bad signs? If I do take them in the future again I want to take very low doses.

ps: I've been listening to your videos to fall asleep for the past year now, and I have classically conditioned myself to fall asleep to your voice, not sure if it's a weird or really weird thing. Now whenever I play your videos at any time of the day I just get really sleepy. crazy how the brain works...