Can someone please help me

I don’t want to be with myself, I feel icky in my skin, and I want to runway. My heart is in my butt. My Boyfriend of 2 years has completely ghosted/blocked me on everything. Our last disagreement was that I wished he would have stayed after dinner a bit longer because I was constantly getting up and down from the couch to cook for us. I just wanted quality time. Can someone read their cards for me. I did before I knew I was blocked. And I got all positive cards. Even the lovers. I just don’t get it. I need answers