A Cycle of Self Doubt

Hello wonderful humans!

First off, I would like to say that you’re all awesome apples! Secondly, I am… confused (and tired)

I’ve quit alcohol for well over 6 months now, but I seem to have fallen into this rather odd cycle with my ADHD meds. Note: I do not want to be taking these.

For the past 3 months. I will utterly abstain from all medication for 3 weeks, and then binge hard for 1 week, and then repeat.

The thing is. I am so ungodly out of my mind happy and social and bouncy and lovely during those 3 weeks. (I absolutely love myself and life) But the things I use the meds for (programming- professional, and music - not yet professional) NEVER seem to happen at all. I’m so scared of not being able to do those activities without meds (even though… on the meds… I can’t really say I’m super productive). In the past week. I’ve had… 17 hours of sleep? I’m exhausted and stressed out and a bit frustrated that I’m in this situation again.

I’m a bit perplexed why I seem to be so self destructive when things are going so well. Has anyone any advice? I think I need a problem in life to stress over…

(I am in Therapy, and I do talk a lot about this)

Stay awesome you wonderful humans. I’ve just finished the one week binge… so my body really needs a good sleep.

Thank you, and stay pretty!

F