Hopeless after 3 sessions in

I have had depression for over 20 years, episodes came and went. For the first 10 years I responded very well to SSRIs, but then developed a side-effect where I started to get covered in bruises and they found out I have a high risk of internal bleedings under the medications, so was forever put off this whole class of medicines. Afterwards came the chaos: Wellbutrin just made me not sleep almost at all and I was all over the place, tricyclics I could not tolerate, nor antipsychotics. The only medicine that helped was Mirtazapine, but my God, I am sleepy the whole time I take it, like dumbed down and overtired and hungry all the time and I gain weight on it and don't like it at all. I have a 15 month old and probably 7-8 months ago I started to slip into depression again, but having so much experience with it I thought I can still control it to be able to continue breastfeeding. But the last 4 months have been absolutely hell, I have gotten very aggressive and am in despair most days. It started with a series of pneumonias, then mastitis, then a bad viral infection - and the physical health decline went hand in hand with my mental decline. Mornings are horror, I started screaming at my baby boy, that is how uncontrolled my emotions have become. Given my history and difficulty of taking Mirtazapine with a toddler, they offered me Spravato and I have been to 3 sessions already. But if anything, I've gotten worse. After 2 sessions I had the impression that I am extremely sad, but at least not having that anger & aggression, but the last 2 days I've gotten very angry again and I cry all the time, barely keeping reality at the seams. I am desperate to get better for my baby, but feel so hopeless - has anyone had a lot of anger/aggression with their depression and found improvement with Spravato? How many sessions did it take? I feel like I'm honestly gonna die with this depression, I am desperate