My boyfriend 25M omitted information about his old crushes invited to the same event as us, me F25

Hi dear Community,

I want to share a story with you that occurred to me last week and also ask for your opinion on how to move forward. This matter drains me and my boyfriend emotionally, but it seems not to leave my head, even though I am trying.

Background story:

My BF (25) and I (25) started dating in mid-June 2024 and came together in July 2024. I have been very content with how the relationship has been progressing and the plans that we have been making for the long-term. He introduced me to his parents in September 2024 and we started living together the same month, though I kept my own apartment too. This is not my first relationship, but it is for him. I was deeply betrayed in the past by the ex-boyfriend who suggested an open relationship, because it was difficult for him to keep long-distance (it could have been possible to see each other two days a week). Anyways, I left the previous relationship first, because it was completely unacceptable for me, even though I was fed these words as 'I want a family with you and kids', which I thought is impossible with no loyalty and emotional support).

This relationship, we have also been talking about kids and a family, already planning to move in together in September and started looking for an apartment. Everything felt as great until December 2024 came. We were invited by his friend to a birthday party in another city, whom he knows from a trip from September 2023. I did not think much of the event, and he casually mentioned that there will also be another person with the same name as him. The evening of the birthday party, I saw that the person he mentioned is actually a girl. I was a bit surprised, but it was fine. That girl, after some time, came up to us sitting together and started to speak to me. I tried to be polite, but the way she approached me first was 'Your are looking so sad - are you bored?' I said, I was not. She kept asking questions and then went away. I did not really like her (no judgement, just my inner feelings - I would never come up to an unknown person and say this thing directly. I would, perhaps, start asking general polite questions to understand the person better...) After some time, she came back. Me and my BF were sitting nearby each other, and she literally came in a very close distance to us (maybe 20 cm max from his face) and asked 'so, how are you both doing?'. My BF did not react and just said that we are doing fine, in a polite manner. She went away and started talking to another male guest. My BF made a comment 'it looks strange she left with him for a short walk even though she has a boyfriend'. After we left that party, I told my BF that I felt extremely uncomfortable with what happened. He tried to calm me down. I asked, how many times have you seen each other - he replied 'a couple of times'. OK: I accepted this answer. He asked - why did not you like her? I said, I just have a feeling and do not really like her, just like that. It felt very intrusive how she behaved.

However, a few days later, I discovered they were mutually subscribed on Instagram, which felt weird to me, given that they saw each other a couple of times, and that girl is just a friend of the girlfriend of the birthday boy...I asked my BF again - how many times did they see each other. He said 'maybe 5' (yesterday he gave the exact number of 3)... I felt uncomfortable with this thought and asked him to remove her from the followers and unfollow her, which he did.

Since then, the situation seemed to have improved until this mid -January, when I asked him about another girl whom he mutually followed. I asked, 'who is XYZ?'. He said, he had a big crush on her before, they met during the trip I mentioned earlier (September 2023). It turned out, he was trying to pursue her even though she had a boyfriend at that time, though he said 'she was unhappy with her BF'. What's more, she was also invited to that birthday party I and him attended, but she did not come due to long-distance. This girl and him were still on Instagram, Whatsapp messages from earlier days were still there, and also Snapchat. In addition, they have a common group chat with 6 people inside (1 birthday guy, my BF, two girls and 2 guys, one of which he does not speak to). I feel this was betrayal by omission of information. He never mentioned his old crush to me before, as he said she would not have come, and he loves me, so he did not think it was relevant to mention. From my side, I feel like crap, because if she had shown up, I believe it would have been almost an end if not to our relationship. We cleared the air a bit, as I asked him questions. He removed her from Insta, removed WA chat (the last messages they exchanged was in June 2024), and I rightfully remembered about Snapchat, which 'he forgot she was there', Yesterday, I had some courage to ask if he had something with the girl I mentioned earlier and whom I brought up to him earlier, because it was not sitting with me correctly. After a pause, he said that yes, he tried to date her before, but she reflected his messages and he understood she was not interested. Two ex-crushes at the same party as us - and nothing was said to me...Not when I brought up the first girl the first time even...

Now, I am sitting in my office and writing this message in a hope to streamline my thoughts and also hear from you, what you think, what you'd do and so on. I want to move forward but afraid that given my past experiences, this was a bit of a knife in the back.