Quincy Wildlife power rankings
Hi Quincy, i’m back after a prolonged reddit break. during my time away, i’ve developed a foolproof scientific method for qualitatively ranking the animals that share our stolen Wampanoag land with us, based on the danger they could pose to a human in a fistfight
Turkey - Meleagris gallopavo. WARNING: EXTREMELY DANGEROUS! The wild turkey is a threatening combatant on its own, but can be overwhelming when using pack tactics. Multiple turkeys can initiate their Ultimate Attack, the Ourobourus of Thanks-Giving (https://youtu.be/pS45_L8fLLc?si=tLr3lfAWrDdJQgKK) which can instantly down even the heartiest of humans
Coyote - Canis nextdooricus. The coyote (known colloquially as the kah-yoat) primarily poses a threat to outdoor pets more-so than humans, but much like the turkey its special attack puts it over the edge. Thanks to their ability to spread over local social media platforms, the coyote can be anywhere all at once. Your 60 year old neighbor could post a coyote pic in Facebook’s Quincy is Everything group, or your 21 year old Quincy College student friend could post grainy Ring Camera footage of a ‘yote on /r/QuincyMA. Yes, that’s right, in YOUR backyard!
Feral cat - Felis catus. Capable of luring in unsuspecting victims with their adorable eyes and irresistible meowing before deploying their razor-sharp claws, feral cats should not be underestimated at a threat. The combination of defense-lowering cuteness with their supernatural agility means every human needs to be on the lookout for these vicious predators, and must learn to distinguish them from the less threatening Indoor/outdoor pet cat (Felis coyotelunchis)
White-tailed deer - Odocoileus virginianus. Though these hearty woodland beasts generally do not prey on humans, the fact that 400 pound forest horses with creepy branching horns live among us should always gnaw at the corner of your mind. Many Montclair and Milton residents have died trying to stop these antlered freaks from munching on their hedges.
MrMuse12 - Redditorus moderaticus. DO NOT APPROACH WITHOUT PROTECTIVE EQUIPMENT!
Squirrel - Sciuris carolinensis. The Eastern Grey Squirrel cannot be underestimated as a combatant. Squirrels stash weaponry in little holes throughout every public park, to be dug up in case they get into a scrap with a human. This allows squirrels to travel light, while appearing deceptively harmless. You may be able to distract a squirrel briefly by throwing an acorn off into the distance, but this will only buy you a few precious seconds
Raccoon - Procyon trashpandus. A threat on multiple fronts. Not only does their feces contain parasites capable of disabling infected humans, but their Special Ability to dig through trash allows them to repurpose items that humans discarded, creating weapons out of harmless materials.
Let me know if I am missing any major land animal combatants. Please keep in mind that I have deliberately left rats off this tier ranking, as the true depth of the power of Quincy’s rat population has not been properly studied and may in fact be infinite.