Is it over?

Im so overwelmed rn ill try my best to spit it out.

Ive posted here about the same person. I recently moved to san antonio to live with one of my best friends. Its around both our birthdays me and my roomate are both 36 i was jan 3 his was tenth. Coincidentally a mutual friend of ours dies so we were hanging out one day and suddently i felt like visiting my girlfriend.

I ask him if he wants to come i dont want to leave him alone during such a tragic time.

When we get ther everything is fine ahes all hugging and missing me. Then we all hangout. Through out the time she slowly gets more and more friendly wjth him. We were lisrwnjng to music and she was saying how hot the male artists were. Then She did this empath thing and touched mikes hand and felt all his trauma. She hugs him i try to separate then and she gets mad at me saying “this is love im only tryjng to heal ur friend thats what Jesus would do its nothing sexual. They start cuddling im horrified. She says u can cuddle with me too. (Trap) then we go to her bed. She purpsely faced me and let him big spoon her im so pissed off comment on it. And she aaid i was ruining the momment. And they both kick me out of rhe room and threaten to call the cops If i didnt crash on the couch and be obediant the whole night i had to listen to then fuck. I had no ride my phone is still in her room and anytime i try to get it theys stary dialing the police and i am on probation etc. (she put me on probation actually) And way she annoucned he was her new boyfriend. Eventually in the most humiliating way mike agrees to drive me home. A day passes and i get ahold of her. She says she doesnt remember anything That she feels like a piece of shit, like she murdered a family member and she was puking and crying from the guilt. I call her out on her social media our friends etc. we had a talk and idecided to forgive her cuz i fogured it was unintentional and i still missed her. I get weird voices in my head of their flirtatious banter. Weird. She then blocks me, So in the morning i head over ther with my parebts. I saw his car in her driveway i immediately burst theoyfh her door and hes their. We start a fistfight and at somepoint my parebts were like “enough lets go” So i went. I psychically knew

I call her on her work phone a couple days late and she basicqlly in so many words took back her heart felt apology. Sayibg she did nothing wrong that our relationship was u defined so i had no right to be upset. Our relationhip was undefined she asked me out twice but i wasnt ready. She said i didnt shit or get off the pot. But here me out we were SO close we jokes and laughed for hours. So many inside humor. She can do funny voices she loves animals and introduced me to the band “stick figure” Sometimes she has amazing empathy but not for me. Is that a pmdd thing?

She also said that another reason she went with mike was that she figured since i didnt really love her that id get over it fast. She thinks i have no feelings. It feels like gaslighting when she repeats “Ur not really sad” “U dont love me i dont believe u” We shared so many ups and downs how can she say those ice cold words.

Will edit this and add stuff. This took a lot of emotions to write down.

Its been 3 days since the last time i saw her.

I want to introduce her to a friend that could help her understand her empath powers.

But is she really.

I read about narcissists and its not quite maybe shes bpd but i know many ppl with bpd that arnt that infuriating and confusing.

I what am i dealing with here

My friend jakes funeral is tomorrow and mikes gonna be there probably taking the love of my life as his date.

I know some attractive women who are prettier then her but j fell in love with her personality.

And it was her personality that killed me.

In a way our relationship is defined by death. I got togerher with her wh n jeremy died. And when jake died she discarded me.

The worst part is that she wont admit shes wrong. My friends insist i go no contact.

But theres so much i wanna say. I feel like i didnt take enough time to let her know exactly how they threw me under the bus.

Other things to consider mike was my leas guitarist. Hes a plumber who makes good money. He opened up for cannibal corpse back in the day.

Im a broke vocalist/beat maker. I have no car and recebtly lost my place cuz while they got togerher he decided to kick me out of his apartmebt. I got so mad at the betrayal i poured water in his ps5. He was also suicidal when i moved in cuz his wife divorced him. So out of the kindness of my heart i hid his noose from him. When i went to get my stuff i placed the noose on his bed lett his key in the outside door whole and told a bunch or home-bums where he lived. Im not starting another metal band until i have a decent gun collection…cant trust those fuckers.

If he thinks hes sucidal now just wait till she does him dirty too.

Im mostly angry but i still miss her.

No contact is a challenge and sometimes im not sure i need to.