Rural and unsafe, no matter what I do

I'm home from college for break, and honestly, I'm hurting a lot. I live in a rural area that is not safe (confederate flags and Trump signs abound, many people openly carry) and everyone who may be queer keeps quiet and keeps to themselves to stay alive. I can't present how I want to, I learned that lesson early on when, after wearing a rather queer outfit (waistcoat as an AFAB) the entire establishment went silent and stared at me. I was at a local diner that my family had gone to since I was little. No one has hurled insults at me, or gotten physical, but every time I go anywhere looking remotely queer, I feel eyes on me, and people either keep a far distance from me, or get uncomfortably close to me. It's terrifying, between the stares and the guns.

Playing straight and cis feels like it'll kill me too, though. I look in the mirror and see someone I don't recognize. Every "miss" or "ma'am" feels like broken glass in my skin. I cry every night because I'm dealing with this bullshit alone, and it shouldn't bother me as much as it does.

How do I survive this? How do I reconcile my gender identity and my need to stay alive? How do I handle safety, when the thing I am doing to be safe feels like it's killing me?