Where do parents draw the line? (Serious)

Hey everyone, especially parents. Where do you draw the line between kids being kids and discipline.

Long post but I'm really trying to learn.

I was raised in a super abusive household. Physically, sexually, and psychologically. (Cult) We were not taught anything and just expected to be able to do it. For example at age 6 I was expected to start doing my own laundry. I was brought to the laundry room and told I'm old enough now so get to it. The first time I didn't know to read the labels or anything so I really messed up my clothes resulting in extreme punishment. I was then told to look at the labels. Next load I didn't know to separate colours and the cycle repeated until I learned to do it. This applied to everything. I never got help with homework but had to show it after and anything wrong was punished. There are worse stories but let's just say school was hell.

However this punishment system was also used for things like playing wrong or saying the wrong thing in public or your facial expression being wrong. The problem is wrong was never defined.

Due to this I learned to be an emotionless robot that followed every command my parents wanted and remained silent at all other times. An exactly children should be present but not seen and silent unless spoken to. When spoken to you were expected to know the exact answer they are looking for.

Because of this I am now as an adult trying to learn what was abuse and what was "deserved".

I'm in therapy and starting to open up. But the one thing I'm blocked on and not comfortable talking to anyone in person is this. Could anyone with normal healthy parents or parents who are raising confident kids with boundaries please tell me how you discipline and when vs letting the kid explore. How much do you teach or explain things to kids (especially chores).

I know it's a lot to ask but I'm only now starting to realize how much of my childhood wasn't normal but I have no normal to compare it to so I am completely lost.