I think I won?

It’s been a long journey going porn-free. Long and extremely difficult. I’ve had many days where I wanted to quit, and live in ignorance. I’ve had many slips in the past, my relationships have been twisted and strained and I was on the teetering edge.

I can’t necessarily explain it- But when I was at the end of my rope, something snapped- Not sure. But next thing I knew- I was one week, then two, then a month, then two months. Currently at two and a half, and now I absolutely despise anything related to it. I avoid it at any cost, and I feel like a new man.

But I feel like I ‘cheated’ somehow- to get where I was… For those first two months, it felt like I emotionally “shut down”, or like I went into some kind of hibernation? Can’t explain it. I lessened my contact with friends and family, I felt hollow and emotionless, until two weeks ago, when I “woke up”. I looked back to see how far I’d got- and I felt content and satisfied. Felt like I just crawled out from a long mental plateau. But I feel like I won. I’m never going to relax in my beliefs, and I’ll continue to remain vigilant, especially since I didn’t beat it the “right” way. But I feel better than I have in a very long time.

Never question if this is the right path- This is. Even if you slip, and you struggle, do what you can to stay on this path. The feeling of victory- no matter how it’s earned, is more satisfying than any short-term gratification you could ever give yourself. Stay strong, stay vigilant. We’re never out of the woods.