Sex with a Narcissist

Sex with a narc is (almost always) f$cking and not making love. No connection. No real intimacy. They want what they want when they want it. They don’t handle excuses (eg. very recent surgery, childbirth, etc.) well and are seemingly incapable of mutual consideration. For most of us, sex is the closest thing we will ever get to connecting with the narc. For this reason, we tend to see sex as more intimate and satisfying because it’s the ONLY positive attention they give us. Regardless of what “services” they’re willing to provide, it is also almost always transactional. If you want ABC, then I get XYZ.

After more than 40 years, I’ve come to cringe any time he touches me - even accidentally - because I know what it’s leading up to and I know I almost always feel worse afterwards for believing that “maybe this time will be different.” At this point, I tend to disassociate almost immediately with sex. I don’t refuse him or lay there limp, I just shut my brain off and zone out…somehow it feels less emotionally painful that way. Anyone else?