Bruh are you fr

So I am nearing 4 months of being discarded by my narcissistic ex, no contact for over 3, I thought I was finally over it 😭 for the past month I haven’t thought about it obsessively and I haven’t wanted to reach out at all. I have this new tactic where I only let myself have bad thoughts of him and that works out well for the most part. But holy shit if I didn’t find myself fantasizing about going back the other day and now wondering how he is! It’s sickening, it doesn’t matter how my abuser is! I’m lucky to have been discarded and let go! I know this everyday. But sometimes I let myself think happy thoughts of lies he told & im right back in it, wanting him. It’s disgusting to me, like I’m actually hurt that there’s a side of me that wants that and I just need it to go away permanently. Not for a month, for a lifetime. I want to move on so bad.