How do I truly begin to accept it

She was my first love and well first everything. She had lots of trauma that she used as an excuse. Things were great at first then I saw how she truly was. The silent treatment, gaslighting, always gossiping about others, always looking for attention and validation from others, double standards, trauma bond etc.

I know in my brain that it was valid for me to leave for those reasons alone because I felt trapped and miserable and addicted to the highs when we “made up”. But my heart still wants to stay and help her heal when obviously I didn’t make a big change. I know I was treated terribly but it was my first relationship of a year and a half.

I’m naturally a very peaceful and open minded person and she was not. I feel like she didn’t even truly know the real me. The anxiety and gut feelings also told me to leave. It’s been about a month and a half and things are getting better but I was just wondering if anyone had any advice. I just graduated hs and I have my whole life ahead of me and I am excited to date in the future but i’m struggling because she was all i’ve ever known love to be and she’s very addicting and manipulative.