I realized why I actually quit group therapy

It was a group of women only and it was centered on all of us having attachment issues.

I had been in the group, meeting virtually once a week, for a few months and then a new girl joined. She was polished and outspoken and I immediately hated her. She was good at opening up and she was good at proving emotional support to the other girls. I was trying to control my emotions but I would be in session and my heart would pound the entire time because I just wanted to fucking explode I hated her so much. Then one day the therapist was talking to her and said “I can tell you put a lot of effort into to your appearance and looking put together” and while I remained silent internally I was losing my fucking shit. I figured it wasn’t healthy for my physical health anymore so I quit.

Fucking bitch is fake as fuck and the group is pathetic for not seeing through it. She’s nowhere near as hot as me.

But looking back now I realize where the anger was coming from. Feelings of inadequacy, intimidation, fear. When the therapist made that comment I interpreted it as them saying she was the prettiest girl in the group, was perfect, and better than me in all perceivable ways. And I felt like she just started the group and was making connections with the other girls in ways I hadn’t been able to for months. I felt like all the girls liked her better than me and like they were all ganging up against me every time they would have a positive interaction of any kind. I was dealing with my own feelings of not being good enough, broken, and then the therapist went and said that and it was like confirming all of the worst thoughts I had about myself. I was dealing with self-hatred and projecting that hate onto her.

Why can’t I do better? Why can’t I be like that?

I think I do this with more people than her and I think I do it a lot. I think it’s why I have a hard time making friends with girls in general. I’m not really sure how to work past this.