I effed up big time.

Edit: scratch all of this, I guess he was teething lol First tooth popped today! Maybe sleep and the fussiness will get better now!

My nearly 6 month old is my second, and with a 3 year old running around and none of my family nearby, it’s been survival mode. Honestly not too bad, baby just lives in the baby wrap all day, co-sleeps at night to EBF on demand, easy peasy. Until it’s not. Idk why I did this to myself, my first was an awful sleeper so I know the repercussions of poor sleep habits, but I just didn’t care, I just wanted to survive.

So here I am with a baby who only wants to be held all day every day, who screams when set down for more than 10 minutes. My house is a wreck all the time (because as great as baby wearing is you are kinda limited and then my toddler whips through anyways), and I’m starting to feel suffocated. DH and I went out for New Year’s for the first time since before baby, and my poor in laws just listened to him scream. My MIL also kept him for 30 minutes so I could go to a OB appointment, and when I got back he was absolutely inconsolable.

He won’t sleep at night unless I’m rocking him. He used to sleep for an 8-9 hour stretch in his crib, then in ours the rest of the night, but that’s over. My hips hurt so badly from the naps when I stand and sway until my lower limbs start popping, and I’m just so so tired.

Don’t even get me started on wanting a shower, or a nap, or to just read a book by myself. The whole time baby is in his bed I’m an anxious mess just waiting for his next wake up.

There’s no pick up/put down, or shushing back to sleep, or anything of the sort. He has to be fully rocked back to sleep for 32 minutes of peace. (I’m not kidding, it’s 32 minutes on the dot between cycles). Obviously not sustainable, but by the time nighttime comes I don’t have it in me to sleep train. I don’t have it in me to listen to my poor baby scream either.

Anyways, mostly just venting, I suppose. I’m so tired, and I’ve definitely got my hands full if I want to undo some of this damage and get some sleep someday.