My mom’s grandparenting style is triggering to me

My mom and I have a good relationship but there’s a fair amount of walking on eggshells with each other. When I was a kid, it used to be that my mom would scream and yell, or manipulate, and pull massive power moves to control my behavior, like threaten to cut me off when I was in college and we argued, things like that. Now that the relationship is more peer to peer, she avoids conflict and it feels not genuine to me, it’s weird. But love her and want her involved with my kids, and the kids love her.

Anyways now that my oldest is getting to be an older toddler, some things my mom does are stressing me out a bit. For example, she was helping me with bedtime when my husband was traveling. I have a 5 month old baby so it’s tough to get them both to bed on my own. She kept threatening to leave if my almost 3 year old didn’t behave. “Well, if you don’t get your jammies on, grandma will have to go home!” And she just kept threatening to leave each time she wanted my daughter to comply with something. And, it worked, but it really upset me. On the one hand, I’m grateful for the help, but that also felt really icky. I don’t want my toddler thinking that her grandma will just withdraw from her if she doesn’t act right, that’s honestly what she did to me and I felt it was messed up. I don’t know if this is even worth addressing, but she will say anything she needs to to manipulate my toddler into behaving and it makes me not want her help unless I absolutely need it. We don’t parent that way at all. But for her that’s much easier than being patient or pointing back to me to correct behavior. How much can you expect from grandparents in this regard?