I turned 21 :D

Few days ago I turned 21. It was a nice day. But for some reason I had this urge that I wanted to spend it with family and so I did. My parents have been super sweet to me for some reason. They are not able to handle that I'm getting older lol. Even I can't imagine being older.

At midnight I cried cause I'm still feeling as clueless as the day before my bday. I still don't know what I'm doing with my life and why I'm like this lmao. I'm still kind of terrified of getting any older and still being this dumbazs girl who is clueless and doesn't know what she's doing in life. I'm scared that my actions today will come back as bad karma in few years.

Like what if I don't take this one course and it ruins my chances of a better future? Or what if I don't date now and lose out on experience and have to suffer from my actions? Or what if I don't learn how to invest or how to do this or that or whatnot and it comes back to me in the worst way possible. All this uncertainty is kind of scaring me ngl haha.

So I thought maybe writing everything down will calm me? But I actually am giving myself more anxiety by writing everything down lol.