Dont see my husband as a man

Been married for almost 11 years and I have been asking myself why I dont have respect for my husband. Digging deeper its because I dont see him as a man. A man to me leads himself and others well, every area in his life is stable, grows, and is managed well, he has structure, he disciplines his children, his children are stable, wife feels secure and safe and stable as a product of stability in finances, career/employment, fitness, orderly and neat home.

After 10 years, I guess my brain is starting to wake up to the reality, my husband is not stable. He is the opposite of what I described. He career is unstable, he has a record (no felonies, but misdemeanors before me), money unstable, can't keep a savings account to save his life, no assets, no financial responsibility or management and poor money mindset, he doesn't workout or lead a life of fitness, doesn't lead himself spiritually or follow God right (only for his own benefit or arrogance to prove a point), doesn't discipline or lead his children. After 10+ years I decided that I need to separate from him to rebuild myself.

But I lost respect for him. I dont respect him as a man at all. I dont see a man when i look at him. I see 18 year old boy in a 40 year old man's body. His maturity is that of a 20 year old just starting life. Im pity and am disgusted. I lost attraction to him. I dont even want him to touch me.

What can I do?