Death by a thousand cuts

Throwaway. To begin, my (44f) husband (52m) is a "good man". He's an involved dad to the kids (they are 8 and 9), our world views are generally aligned, and he works hard and gets things done. However.

We have a crappy rapport with each other. Over ten years of marriage, we have not been able to adapt to each other's drastically different communication styles and love languages. Almost every day he finds something about me to nitpick or correct me on. I feel that we argue nearly every day--but because he has a more naturally aggressive communication style, he does not feel like we are arguing. We argue over whether we are arguing. The way we are together is exhausting.

I don't want to be a single working mom, but I don't want to live with him anymore. I tried to get us into counseling but he wanted to "do more research" after I identified a therapist, and that was the end of that. Earlier tonight I accidentally woke him out of his sleep when I went to the bathroom, and he was just so mean about it that I took my pillow and went to the couch for the night. It's this kind of thing, all the time.

I just want a peaceful home. There's nothing dreadfully wrong--no abuse, no cheating, no gambling debts or secrets, not even crazy in-laws, but I'm not happy.

What would you do?