Need honest advice! Sorry for the long post.

My husband and I have been together for 15 years and married for 3. Over the years, we’ve faced many challenges—jealousy, possessiveness, long-distance, depression, and even in-law issues. Through it all, we’ve evolved and grown as a couple, and we’ve always been in love. One thing I’ve appreciated about our relationship is that once we resolve an issue, we never revisit it. However, there’s one recurring pattern that is emotionally draining for me: his silent treatment after arguments. It can go on for days or even weeks, and it’s always me who has to break the silence to start resolving things.

Recently, he lied about spending time with his friends. It wasn’t the fact that he was with them that upset me—I’ve never had an issue with him hanging out with his friends or going on boy trips. In fact, I’m close to many of his friends, and I completely respect his need for his own space and time with them. What upset me was the unnecessary lying. He pretended the outing was unplanned when it was clearly a planned event. When I asked him about it directly, he denied it to my face, even though I later confirmed the truth. When I confronted him, he just gave me a silly smile and had no explanation for why he lied. This felt incredibly disrespectful, as if I didn’t deserve honesty. It’s not about controlling his actions—I’ve always been understanding—but his behavior made me feel unimportant and foolish. It triggered a huge fight where I yelled at him out of frustration and hurt, especially since I’ve always been honest with him.

After the fight, he started his silent treatment again. This time, it felt worse than usual—he didn’t even wish me on my birthday, something he’s never skipped in all these years. While I’ve unfortunately grown used to this behavior, his deliberate silence on such an important day deeply hurt me. It’s making me question if I’ve been too accepting of his behavior and if I’ve normalized something that shouldn’t be okay.

What hurts even more is that I’ve been trying to plan a vacation with him for months, but we couldn’t align our schedules. Now, during this silence, he’s making plans with his friends and hasn’t included me. I’m filled with anger and doubt. I feel like I’m constantly questioning my worth, his love, and whether I matter to him at all during these silent treatment phases.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to be the one to reach out first this time. I want him to take responsibility, initiate a conversation, explain himself, and apologize for everything he’s put me through. For once, I want him to acknowledge how hurtful this behavior is. But the longer this goes on, the more I feel like I can’t keep doing this. It’s making me wonder if this relationship is even worth it.