New-found appreciation for my husband after losing our baby
My husband and I have been together 10 1/2 years and we have an 8 yo daughter. We lost our second child, a baby boy, just two months ago at 28 weeks pregnant. I delivered him stillborn and this has been the most traumatic and saddest thing we’ve ever experienced.
I’d read previously that a lot of marriages end in divorce after the death of a child. Immediately after the loss, I was in a very dark place. I wasn’t eating or sleeping, very much experiencing the postpartum hormonal drop, and my mind kept coming back to this — that our marriage might not survive this loss.
It’s still very fresh and raw but I can look back now and see that wasn’t based on any rationality. I think I was just afraid that he would get sick of being there for me, like he’d feel he was giving too much and receiving too little during this time.
My husband was with me every step of the way holding my hand. He took care of me with so much love and concern when we returned from the hospital. He didn’t leave my side. He took a month off work and kept our family functioning when all I could do way lay in bed all day. When he had to go back to work a month later, he altered his work schedule to do school drop offs and pick ups so that I wouldn’t have to leave the house because I wasn’t ready to. He constantly tries to make me laugh. He watches TV shows with me every night because he knows it brings me joy.
It’s not lost on me that he’s also grieving himself. I’ve recognized that we grieve very differently. Sometimes I feel guilty that he may be suppressing his emotions for me, and I’ll remind him that he doesn’t need to. I let him know often that I can help him find a therapist or peer support group if he’s not okay.
All this to say, I’ve always appreciated my husband but going through unimaginable loss together, I have a new-found appreciation for him. He really embodies what it is to be an amazing husband. He’s so supportive, so understanding, and I feel very lucky to have him by my side.