Husband’s sudden personality change

Something has gone wrong with my husband’s brain. We don’t know what yet, so we don’t know how to fix it. It started 3 months ago. He said all of a sudden he couldn’t feel emotions. He’s also experiencing memory loss and trouble finding words. But the worst part is that he’s become cruel. He’ll say something incredibly hurtful, then he’ll smile the most evil smile when he gets a reaction. And he’s not just doing it to me. He’s hurt his mom’s feelings and he made a lady at the gym cry.

I know I said the worst part is the cruelty, but that’s not exactly true. The worst part is that he cheated on me. He cheated on me with a woman that owns a business at the end of our street. The street I have to walk down to take our son to the park. I suspected the whole time. It wasn’t like he was being super sneaky. I talked to him about what he was doing over and over. He just ignored me. He was behaving so oddly and I couldn’t figure out why. He kept telling me it was my fault. (I’ve been very ill this year and it’s been a strain.)

I finally got to a breaking point and told him that if he didn’t tell me what he’d done and stop immediately, he was going to have to go stay with his parents while he figured himself out. He screamed in my face. He came clean but took no responsibility. I kept saying, I don’t know who you are. He told me that he’d been trying to tell me for months that something was wrong with him but I didn’t take him seriously. All he’d been saying was he felt out of sorts and he didn’t feel like a person. I didn’t connect the memory problems and the cruelty to him ‘not feeling like a person.’ I wasn’t on the lookout for something this serious. I thought he was going through some depression because of my illness, since he kept blaming everything on me.

When he was finally able to describe his symptoms more clearly, I asked him to go to the ER to get some tests. He refused. So I called the doctor. They got him in the next day and ordered blood tests and a therapist. (The wait for a therapist is 6+ months.) We don’t have the results of the blood tests back yet.

But here’s my problem. He cheated on me. I’m beyond angry, but I’m also worried about him. He’s my best friend and, up until recently, an amazing father and husband. I can’t talk to him about how incredibly hurt and angry I am because it’s not getting through to him. He’s not feeling normal emotions. He honestly doesn’t care that he’s hurt me. We’ll be having a conversation and he won’t be able to sit still. He’ll wander away in the middle of the conversation and forget that we were even talking.

He doesn’t want a divorce, he doesn’t want to leave me, and he doesn’t want to be away from our son. He also says he can see what he’s doing to me and he thinks it would be best for him not to be around me. He knows that he cares about me, even though he can’t feel it right now. I’ve asked him over and over what the solution is. How can we stay in the same house and not be around each other? He doesn’t know. And he can’t stand for me to be angry with him because he’s says that I make him feel like his brain is on fire when I try to talk about everything.

I don’t want to divorce him. I want to help him get better so we can work through this together. But I’m so fucking angry. All. The. Time. He wants me to help him, and I want that, too. But I can’t even stand the sight of him. He’s not my husband. He’s some husband shaped thing that’s turned my world inside out.

Has anyone else gone through something similar? How do I navigate my own emotions while supporting him and helping him get better?

Edit: He quit a job he loved because he thought it was the cause of his problems. He worked a month at a new job and just got fired today for his erratic behavior. He has a backup job he’ll hopefully be able to start on Monday. His bloodwork came back today and didn’t indicate any abnormalities. I don’t know what his doctor will recommend next, but I’m going to call them Monday and talk to them about his behavior. I’m also going to be getting childcare and a job. I told him today that if he can get through the next week, I’ll take over supporting our family until he gets better.