Is there hope for Christians who lost their faith along the way?

I once loved God honestly and truly. But then some things happened, and because of my overthinking i turned my heart against Him. To a point of resentment. I however tried everyday to go back to Him, but it didn't feel genuine. I had bad anxiety attacks because of the whole situation.

Now each time i go to church, I don't really feel like a Christian. Every time I hear people talk about God, or a gospel song, I honestly don't like how I can't even relate to it right now. It makes me dwell on how I used to be like them. I used to love listening to sermons. Practising being a good Christian.I trusted in God completely, and I loved Him. Now all that is gone and no matter how hard I try I still feel like a fake.

I tried to get my relationship with Him back, but then the anxiety attacks and the spiritual warfare got me so terrified to live alone. I moved back home to live with my parents. I work for my dad, but I'm so scared i will get fired because the job is so mentally draining and I can't even focus right.

This makes me feel so sad because all those years of hard work at school and academic distinctions just to end up looking dumb at the very thing I'm supposed to be good at. And no one else will probably hire me if I get fired from this job.

I have a bf. We were speaking about getting married but I'm not sure if that's in the works anymore. He's waiting for me to get better because he thinks it's just a phase that ill get over. I feel like I'm draining him with all my ranting and crying. I also feel like I'm holding him ransom because he probably feels like he can't breakup with me because I'm currently depressed and sometimes have su*cidal thoughts (that I'm dealing with)

He deserves a happy family and to raise kids with a mentally stable mother which I'm unable to give him at the moment. I'm also scared God's wrath will be on my children since He said He will visit the iniquity of parents up to the fourth generation for those who hate Him. I also remember reading somewhere that if you don't deal with spiritual warfare then you're giving it legal ground to follow the next generation. So yeah. I don't want to give my future kids a shitty life. For these reasons, I'll have to breakup with him even though it completely breaks my heart.

I also don't know for how long I'll practice in my field even though I had big dreams. My mental health state won't let me do my job right, even though I try.

My relationship with my parents is strained because I come back home late at night ( I have a curfew) on some weekends when I decide to go out with my bf and friends and just be happy and carefree. This is usually after a long week of trying to hold it in and get my job done. I can't move out because of the anxiety issues and also I don't get paid much.

Every time i think Im on a good track with God, the thoughts aganist Him come back and its like no, you werent. And its a cycle. I still wake up everyday and try my best but sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes I wanna give up. Sometimes hope seems so bleak so I just dwell in the past. But there's still the little hope left that just maybe things will get better.