Consider not going to Positano

My fiancee and I, along with some of our friends, were traveling around Naples and Rome, and everything we saw online recommended going to Positano -- how it was better than the surrounding islands, it was a must-see. And so I just wanted to put the following out there:

I would recommend not going to Positano unless you (for some reason) cannot go to Capri, Ischia, or Procida, and you've also done literally everything in and around Naples.

For us, the day we spent there was unambiguously the worst experience we had in our two weeks in Italy.

There's only so much that a pretty view can do for you when you're stuck in a crowded dense hell of tourists, and where any attempt at escaping the crowds using the roads involves cars, busses, and mopeds whizzing by you with only a foot or two of clearance.

As soon as we got off the ferry, we all collectively realized what a profound mistake we had made. The roads were jammed with a slow mass of humananity shuffling in unison from horrible trinket shop to horrible trinket shop. Sure, it was in early September, still somewhat travel season, but it was on a WEDNESDAY.

My fiancee and I had just been to Ischia, our friends had just taken a day trip in Capri, and we were both shocked. Neither island had been remotely as crowded, and both offered so many more interesting things to do. In Positano, the options seemed to be the following: go to the beach (fine, but lots of places offer this) or go to a series of shops where you can buy expensive trinkets to memorialize your worst day in Italy.

Have you ever wanted a ceramic sea anemone? Neither have I. How about a statuette of a lemon? No? Don't worry though, if nauseatingly tacky ornaments aren't your vibe, you can also purchase a sweat-shop dress for 200 euro!

Basically, I don't know who this place is for. It feels like a perfect storm of tacky, crowded, and expensive. This is by far the worst kind of tacky. I would much prefer the kind of unpretentious tacky store - the kind that sells green white and red shot glasses shaped like boobs. Those, at least, offer some kind of interesting authenticity. You see the fat guy behind the counter and you can imagine what he was thinking when he placed an order for them. "These are funny" you imagine him thinking. And imagining his state of mind itself provides some kind of human experience.

I'm these stores, you just see "fancy" garbage, and feel condescended to. These people know you would never buy a shot glass with boobs on it. They think they know you. "These idiots" you imagine these venders saying to each other "I bet they'll buy this ceramic clock made to look like a lemoncello bottle". You feel that these people know you just well enough to insult you.

Maybe my tastes are specific though, and maybe the day I visited coincided with some holiday I wasn't aware of -- everybody-go-to-Positano day, for example.

I felt it would be morally wrong of me to not warn others that at a minimum, in early September of 2024, do not go to Positano if you have other options.