Asking Divorced Men!

Hi! I have a question from Divorced men!

I am a divorced man and went through a hell to get out of the marriage primarily because each moment it felt that I am ruining her life but each moment with her was full of emotional abuse and constant reminder of how I ruined her life by marrying her.

After divorce I find myself in a very confusing spot. While in the marriage there was a point that I became repulsive towards her so much so that even any intimate activity felt like I job. Now after the marriage has ended and I am headed to a journey with bit of peace and no longer feeling suicidal all the time, I find myself craving attention sooooo badly.

I can actually feel a void within my chest! and it keeps growing. I crave attention, intimacy and just feeling like I matter so much that It is taking a toll on my health very badly. I do my best to fight it! I try not to reach out to people for attention unless every part of my existence is tired of fighting this.

I have tried almost everything! Workout, Physical activities, Prayers, Gym, Book reading, video games, cooking! Almost everything that I could! But I keep relapsing very badly!

I crave someone I can hold in my arms without feeling like they will just stab me in the next moment. I do not want unconditional love! I just want someone to be there! But! I know it is too soon to get into relationships yet! Not before I heal all these insecurites I have with trust and commitment now.

For now I just want to ask men who feel relating to this! HOW DO I BECOME STRONGER TO FIGHT THIS MORE!!!!! ANY solution what so ever anyone can suggest!!!! Please do so! Thanks

I hateeeeeeee that I have this crazy craving to have someone! I don't like asking people for help because everyone has their own battles and I don't want to burden anyone!

Update: Since many if you recommend therapy, I went to 5 different knes during the marriage and 1 recently for help. It is not helping. It did help at start but now it feels like a drag.