Need advice on my marriage
I (34m), got married to a beautiful and nice natured girl (25f) early last year in arrange marriage setup after a 3 years of search.
While I wouldn’t say my family is rich, I can safely say we are upper middle class and this was communicated at the time of seeking alliance as well.
We are a family of four, parents, myself and a younger brother. Dad used to work in gulf as a manager and he retired in the same year of my marriage and returned to home country and mother has always been a home maker. I’m the elder son and I’m working in India as a manager in one of the big 4. My brother has just completed his studies in the US at the time of my marriage. With Allahs grace, brother found a job in one of the FAANG companies in US, and dads H1B was fully processed, and he moved to US as well and started working in his 60s.
While our social status was communicated well at the time of seeking alliance and things were working well, I was happy to found what I was looking for in a partner and we went ahead.
I’ve been working from home (US client) since the wedding, and that gave me and my wife a lot of time to spend time with each other and make a good foundation for the years to come.
During this period we travelled to 4 different destinations within India, gifted her an iPhone, iPad, expensive handbag, I give her a monthly pocket money for her personal expenses while taking care of all her shopping needs myself.
From the last three months, we both are in gulf and I’m trying for a full time position here.
Her background:
She comes from a family of 9 - parents, 5 brothers and 2 sisters. Out of which 3 brothers are married and are employed in gulf and her sister is married to a well established businessman settled in gulf.
Alhumdulillah for everything.
Issue:
Now the problem that I’m facing is that she constantly compares with her well settled sister and cousins sisters and expects me to buy her stuff similar to them (They all are rich by every definition). Her brothers that are employed in gulf are more or less at a similar socio-economic status as me.
However, she constantly compares with the well off sister / cousins:
We had a decently good wedding events, but she has mentioned 5/6 times that there was no dhol and music from my end when coming to the venue or bringing her home. I’ve mentioned that my family doesn’t do it.
She says all my relatives must’ve gifted her something, why did they not gift. I told her let’s be grateful for what we have and not expect from others but she brings this up once every few months. Her relatives have given her ornaments like gold finger ring and ear rings. My dad side, he has three siblings off which one has given a ring and the other cash enough to buy a ring maybe. Alhumdulillah for people that have gifted, but I don’t understand her point of expecting gifts from everyone.
Initially she said she doesn’t have a good brand handbag while her elder cousins have, I got her an MK bag the same week, costing ₹40k, but few weeks after that she started eyeing brands like Louis Vuitton, etc.
Her sisters husband is well off, and they do everything extravagantly, alhumdulillah. But this is causing friction between my wife and me as she automatically starts feeling bad that we are not as rich as them.
Our wedding anniversary is approaching and she was asking for a gift, which I anyways thought of buying, I told her to buy some gold in 1-2 lacs budget, but she constantly is asking me if she can exceed the budget. By now we are already in gulf, living on our expenses and have spent a lot of money while I’m searching for a full time job here. She notices everything but keeps pushing for more.
We used to live in a flat in Hyderabad (home town), and have a few other small properties. She keeps saying we must construct a house in Hyderabad but me and dad want to make right investments for future and are content with the flat. Not saying we don’t want an independent house too, but it’ll not be of any use as none of us are going to live in Hyderabad in near future.
Despite of my best efforts to build a good career, I’m starting to feel like a looser or under achiever coz of the constant expectations which I’m not able to meet fully.
I’m not able to share all these with anyone in my family, coz that might create uncomfortable situation for everyone in the long term. And I’m not able to share it with my friends or her family as well as I don’t want anyone to come between our marital issues.
Seeking perspectives or guidance to resolve these conflicts in our married life.
Thank you for reading till the end, I know this is a very long post.