I can’t take this anymore

I’ve been fighting this never-ending battle with hypothyroidism, and honestly, I’m so exhausted I can’t keep pretending I’m okay. Every day is like walking through quicksand; the weight of just being is almost too much. It’s been over two years of this relentless misery. I can’t remember what it feels like to feel normal, to just function without everything feeling like a monumental struggle.

I went through two pregnancies in such a short time, just an 8-month break in between, and it’s like my body and mind just gave up after that. I used to have some kind of strength, but now? Now I’m barely here. It’s as if something inside me broke, and I haven’t been able to put the pieces back togetherg. The worst part? I honestly did not know what was wrong with me until about 4 months ago. I just got on medication two weeks ago but I’ve already lost both of my kids because I couldn’t even function as a person, let alone a mother. That reality haunts me every second.

Some days, I sleep almost 20 hours. Twenty hours, as if that will somehow repair me, but it never does. And then there are these sickening hunger swings — sometimes I can’t bear the thought of food, and other times I’m so hungry it’s like I can’t ever get full. I’m caught in this bizarre cycle that never ends, and I feel like I’m being eaten alive by it.

I’ve honestly been in a really dark place, to the point where I can’t ignore the thoughts creeping in about to just make it all stop. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I just want to feel okay, to live without this constant fog, without this crushing weight on me.