Just ranting about this

Ghsv1. I still have yet to understand how to come to terms with this thing and I’ve had it for years. I’m comfortable one day then I’m full on depression the next. I haven’t been on a date in idk how long but the thought of dating sends me into a panic. Sometimes I think about just being single forever but I really want to be married. I get excited about meeting someone and falling in love. Then I remember it’s a gamble if they’re going to stay or not after I disclose.

I know I deserve to be loved. It’s just hard imagining someone loving me when I never experienced love before. Especially with me having this disease. And with my personality being so reserved it’s just so hard to picture a love life that is flourishing for myself.

I hate this part of me. I wish I could burn it off. I pray a cure comes sooner than later so I won’t have to worry about disclosing anymore.