Late bloomer stories scare me so much

I’m a 20F struggling with this for I done know how many months anymore. All I do during the day is seek for reassurance on Reddit because I simply cannot live without trying to get an answer for this thing. I used to have a lot of anxiety and would cry all the time, but now I’m medicated so the symptoms are not as intense as before. So when I ruminate and get intrusive thoughts I just… feel numb. Sometimes there’s anxiety but these days it’s been rare. I’m so tired of this.

Late bloomer stores are a huge trigger for me. I go to the latebloomerslesbian subreddit a lot and it feels like it’s impossible for someone NOT to be a lesbian omg. It’s like you can have a boyfriend, be married, have children, have crushes on men, enjoy your sex life and STILL find out later that you were a lesbian all along? Like this is so frustrating! And this makes me feel like I’ve only not discovered myself yet because I haven’t paid much attention. It’s like I can fall in love with a random girl at anytime and just not realize it. This is SO distressing! Does any other girl with HOCD feels this way? Or is it just me?

Also I’ve watched lesbian porn growing up and it never bothered me before but now it does a lot, especially because I’m starting to watch porn again to test my attraction and this is making me have lesbian wet dreams 😭 and this is also so scary because I remember having some lesbian dreams in the past and feeling very aroused with them but I didn’t care and now this feels like a huge sign that I was always a lesbian! I don’t remember having straight wet dreams also and this bothers me a lot. Idk I just want someone to relate to…