I’m loosing hope :c

This is a quite sensitive topic for me as it among all things are private. I haven’t really been doing anything sexual since this HOCD thing started but every time I’ve touched myself to whatever scenario I feel awful and I staff doubting wether or not what I’m aroused by contrast from other straight women.

I know this probably counts as reassurance seeking, but I’m honestly doubting whether or not I’m even HOCD which is making me so uncomfortable and sad.

But I’m aroused by reading what a man does to a woman, or rather her reaction to what he does if she moans, her legs clench around him, if her nipples are hard (and though in the scenario the woman is something supposed to be me, I’m scared it means I’m a lesbian ) , and that’s making me quite nervous now, because what if that means I’m aroused by women rather than the man?