I want my brother back.

My brother was murdered Dec 11th last year and just now when I tried to text his messager it said user unavailable and it hit me all over again that he's gone. I feel like how I felt when the news first broke. He was the only friend I had longer for two or three years.

We were basically inseparable when we were younger. I want him back. I've been using whatever distraction I can do distract me from his death. I distract myself from everything bad that happens but I just can't. I can't sleep without thinking of him and bawling. It hurts so so much. We're so young too. I don't want to do anything knowing that he's not here anymore.

I have his urn in my room and I spend every moment in my room. Pretending whenever I play games that we're playing together or like chatting to him even though I don't even know if he's even listening. I just want to sit down and talk about gossip with him again. I miss him and I would do anything to have him back.