apes christmas spectacular was so good

Hey all!!

I just wanted to write a message appreciating this community in general and also the cool ass bands that played the apes of the state christmas spectacular.

I'm trans, and I live in a conservative environment from back home. Especially during the holidays, I very rarely hear my actual name, not that they'd ever know it. Having walked up to the table for the raffle, I figured, since no one from back home could see (I had driven ~3 hours), I would write my chosen name. It was comforting enough to know that that name was in there instead of the alternative.

Hearing April call me by name, though, was an out of body experience!! After having hidden this part of me from the entire world, being called it in front of a room of however many fuckin people was incredible. By the time I came back, my legs were shaking. It may seem small, but still, it was big for me.

I'm tired, and I hope this whole post makes sense, but I'm just very thankful to you all for creating such a wonderful environment all the time. All the messages you people talk about are contrary to the self-hatred that I've been taught. The content that y'all create fills me with hope that I have not found elsewhere. Learning to love again has been a process and the music and ethos of this community has helped greatly. Acceptance is a very very long road and seeing a whole bunch of motherfuckers walkin ahead of me helps me keep going. Thank you!!!!

(Also I got the first copy CD-R and I was positively shitting myself with excitement oh my god. I cannot overstate how fucking off the walls I was. I listened to that shit on repeat the whole goddamn way home, high off of attending a show and the cd and the gendering correctly and oh my GOD bro. You all are the coolest ever. (Btw I checked it, the CD is for This City!) )

Also more important than all of this, they gave out a piss bucket, provided no explanation, and then played Urine Speaks Louder Than Words. God bless