Searching for the Healthy Hexag 4
I just finished reading Luckovich's "Responding to "The Heart of Type 4 - Demystifying Four Lore"" and it was quite impactful for me. It made me sob a couple of times, and I'm still thinking about it.
Articles about 'healthy' 4s usually disgust me, because they picture this individual as being someone who's not self-referential, pedantic, peculiar, or someone who feels deeply about everything, joy and suffering. This is NOT me. I often feel like everyone is numb, and I sure as hell don't wanna let the world numb myself down too.
The idea of being a soft version of myself disturbs me. The idea of not having frustration about the cruelty of existence; it would mean I have given up searching for a better future. I don't wanna conform, I don't wanna narcotize, I don't wanna declaw myself to be more acceptable to others.
I was raised by two attachment types, I was always punished for not being an attachment type. I envy them, I envy 3s so badly, because I feel like they're 'better' than me because they are heart types and attachment, so I can relate, and also envy.
But... I can see clearly now that I don't actually HAVE to be an attachment type.
Though 'heathy 4' descriptions talk about a creature that is the amalgamation of 4 and 9, declawed and toned down to everyone's happiness! Not anymore talking about sad stuff or being superspecific in tastes, this figure exists to help others achieve happiness!
It's a "tame 4", the thing Luckovich refer to as 'attachment 4'. I don't wanna be a tame anything. This makes me wanna gag.
I think this thing is my own distorted envy-bearer image, with whom I've been internally fighting against for years. ...I don't need to become an attachment type...
...
So, what do you think of Luckovich's article? What do you think a healthy hexag 4 looks like?