I HATE HATE HATE this "all or nothing" bullshit

It's become impossible for me to try to diet or eat normally and I'm not losing weight. I always end up in a binge. Even though I'm eating healthy, whole foods, my stupid body always wants more and I can't control myself around food. Restriction sucks. Purging sucks. Eating normally fucking sucks and I can't find a happy medium. I only do well when I don't eat and I HATE it. But at the same time, I FEEL SO GOOD AND IN CONTROL. HELP.