I have accepted that anorexia will kill me

I have accepted that I can’t recover ever. That I will always have that voice in my head telling me to “show I have control”, I’m being released from inpatient at a BMI of 13.8 after nearly 20 months, this treatment hasn’t worked for me. I don’t think any treatment will work for me, I go straight back to restricting when I’m on leave. It’s such a struggle, I’m terrified of loosing control but I have no control anyway. I do 4-5 hours of cardio a day and I’m miserable. I genuinely hope my heart fails because this illness is too painful. The only thing that will keep me eating on the outside is the fear of having to come back inpatient, but even then, I can see myself loosing more weight and deteriorating and I’m terrified. My health is already fragile enough and I know it. I don’t know what to do…