i just got off a flight and realized how disordered i am

my restriction has gotten really fucking bad and idk if that’s breaking the rules to say that. but everyone ordering snacks on the flight and the woman next to me who was older and could sit criss cross in the seat bc of how petite she was killed me. i was middle row and felt so gross. and she even ordered cookies and had snacks packed!! she put sugar in her coffee and i was sitting there amazed and jealous. hearing everyone opening their wrappers was almost giving me a panic attack i felt so ashamed and had to close my eyes to pretend i was asleep to cope. i’ve never struggled with the food noise this loudly before and i hate it. i hate it so much