Narcissists?

The world has grabbed onto the term narcissist way too easily. When it comes to my soon to be ex wife, most of my family and friends have pointed out narcissistic traits shown by my wife during the last 12 years I have been with her. Such as separating me from family and friends, collecting pets she never intended to take care of, ignoring me then suddenly changing to super love me, things that happened or were said suddenly never happened, highs and lows in emotions without any notice or reason, verbal abuse of myself and kids all about her feelings, totally worried about how she was seen by the world (lots of money we didn’t have on nails, hair, tattoos etc) and the list goes on. I wish I could say I agree but I find myself defending her even now that we are living apart. Wish I could hate her and stop missing her, even in the worst of times, I didn’t feel as bad as I do right now and how painful it is to hear people bad mouth her. Wish I really knew if she is actually a narcissist.