Depression is the inverse of narcissism, it's the opposite side of the same coin

I've been battling depression for many many years. And like a lot of depressed people, my relationships have suffered. It's hard to be there for people when on your best days, you're just coping. I've always tried my best, but I feel like I've been a really bad friend. I don't reach out, I ignore texts, I cancel plans, I'm not there for people, and perhaps worst of all, when I AM there, I'm so wrapped up in my own emotional struggles that I'm not emotionally available to support others. And at some point it kind of hit me, self-absorption is a big part of depression. The depressive person's self-absorbtion is like an inverted narcissism, but instead of thinking you're better than everyone else, you think you're far worse. But, regardless if you feel hopeless and your self-esteem is in the gutter, you are thinking about yourself as much as a narcissist is. Your mind is so wrapped up in your own pain, your own worries and struggles and how awful you think your life is, that you are almost completely checked out from everything that's happening around you. You miss that your little sister is excited about learning something new, you don't notice that your best friend is struggling at work, you don't realize your mom misses you, you're oblivious to how stressed out the waiter serving you is.

Obviously you notice some things. Unless you're extremely depressed, you can't help but notice some important things going on in the lives of the people you care about. But overall, depressed people tend to be more self-absorbed than not. I've hung out with a lot of depressed people (support groups and friends), and it's like they're holding a mirror at all times. Everything that happens externally becomes a reflection of how awful they are, and how shitty their life is. Things can't just be. There's this compulsive self-referencing happening, and I think understanding this is the key to getting better.

Ever since I had this realization I've been intercepting any and all self referencing. Now when I'm with a friend, I try to be 100% there for them. I force myself not to think about myself at all. I try not to have any opinions or thoughts about myself. I want to erase the voice in my head completely. I'm nothing, just a small flame of consciousness. I see. I perceive. That's it. I'm no longer interested in having opinions about everything, Im not interested in analyzing all the ways I suck as a human being, or all the ways I've failed. I'm just over here breathing. And I feel so much better.