I know I said I wouldn’t, but…

I (35 HLF) attempted the talk. Again (with 40 LLM). This time I wrote every single thing out. Every feeling, issue, explanation behind them… I gave it to him to read and asked him to take the time to truly understand what I’m saying so we can go over it and talk about it all. At the end I said I need to see an action happen: 1. join me in therapy, 2. we separate, or 3. we figure out how to open things up so we’re both happy. (This cycle of talking just for things to go right back to square 1 is exhausting). we’ve been together 10 years and have 2 kids. Not married. Dwindling sex live over the last 6-7ish years, only getting worse. (Things were great for the first few years) The only time we have sex at this point is when I finally complain about how long it’s been and say I can’t do this forever- he brushes me off and things are okay for about 2-3 weeks then die off but it’s passionless, awkward duty sex. I recently stopped initiating because the rejection was a lot like running directly into a glass door, dusting off, then trying again with the same result Conclusion of talk #1,645: he just “isn’t interested in sex the way I am” (he rarely even masterbates) and “I would rather sleep or be doing something else, but I know things could be better so I’ll do it for you. We aren’t doing an open relationship and I don’t think we need therapy.” Then… I think I heard an actual cricket in the room. —I explained that I don’t want duty sex. Neither of us enjoys it. I’m not going to essentially pressure someone in to doing something they really don’t want to do. I asked for honesty but now anytime he seems in the mood I’m going to think he’d rather be doing just about anything else. He also said separation is off the table hahaha so. Great talk.

Then he asked if I wanted to go have sex … of course, I said no. the cricket and I are processing… the convo clearly isn’t finished but I need time to unfuck my brain. He’s my best friend, an amazing dad, and an overall decent roomate… FML ——————————————————- EDIT: Thanks, internet strangers! The convo went off the rails when the words “I’d rather be sleeping” started echoing in my head… we will be talking again soon- I’m redrafting this letter hahah and yes- I’ve been called out. Saying I want to separate is an empty threat at this point in time- we both know that so it’s not really even helpful to say unless I’m going to follow through. I know. I’m going to push for therapy because there is no way I won’t think about the convo any time we are intimate moving forward… if I even can be… now there’s a NEW problem to work through on top of DB. Yay. - I’ve always been on a soap box about cheaters and could never fathom how anyone could do that to another person, but I do see how shit happens now. (There is still a choice to make, though. It doesn’t just accidentally happen. Last Saturday at my kiddos soccer practice I was checking out all the dads in sweat pants and texting a girlfriend about them… you know… like a damn predator!)