Can i kill myself and go to heaven?

I hate my life so much. I have no interest in living at all anymore. Can i just end my life prematurely so i can live in heaven with god? If god loves me then why does he make my life so miserable and pathetic. I suck at absolutely everything. I have no positive redeeming traits. Im not smart or special or funny or good at anything. I dont have any hobbys that i like. Everywhere i go i get made fun of behind my back or humiliated or embarrassed somehow. Im sick of living as me. Can i just get a yes or no answer please? i dont want to hear about “ just talk to someone “ or go to the doctors cause they just gave me antidepressants which dont do shit. I eat healthy and excesise but it dosent help. Sorry if my writing is shit but please i just need a answer.