Assaulted by demon - what should I do?

Hello I’m sorry if this comes off as “too much” but I don’t know where else to turn.

I was born into Christian-baptist family - but there was always this heaviness and darkness in my family I was very sensitive as a child.

My relationship with God was rocky and always felt so confused, my mind was so agile and couldn’t believe basically anything.

As a kid I used to suffer really badly with nightmares and felt really scared to fall asleep.

Around the age of 15 I started having mental issues together with departing from my church and its teachings. I used to dive into exploring “spirituality” and basically what I was always drawn to as a kid.

I started having out of body experiences, sleep paralysis, I started hearing voices and seeing things that frankly “weren’t there”.

But there was this one instance - it was in between the lucide and dream state - where I was awake, but I couldn’t move my body, I had images of some very pervert ugly man and I could feel being penetrated physically. I remember wanting to fight it, but it was painful, so I gave up & and indulged in it…After that I kind of just pushed it out of my mind like it did not happened, but now it all starts coming back to me.

I left the whole spiritual thing behind me, but sometimes it feels so hard, because it’s like part of me since I was a kid, I felt like I was always little bit disconnected from this physical world.

But my current desire is to leave this all behind, and not play with something so naively, that I had no informations about. I want to live simply a good life on earth and perhaps try to find a way to God.

But I feel so haunted by the horrors I’ve seen, and it was much more real than any encounter I have with God.

I feel like there is something evil grasping on me since I was very little. And since the act of assault, or whatever it was, I feel different, like something isn’t right with my souls.

My mom also said that she thinks I could be possessed because I started suffering with so many mental illnesses and my psyche is very uncomfortable. But there is still part of me that sees the light and wants to follow it. At least most of the time I do.

I want to assure you, I’m not making this up, nor seeking attention, feel free to ignore this post. But if you have any advice, any message for me, that could guide me from what has happened to me, I would be very grateful.

Thank you.