Dear Yesenia

As I write this I want to be honest because knowing you left me and dumped me a month ago. And I am not here to seek revenge or retaliate. I am here simply because, September 7th was going to be out 6 year anniversary. And I secretly had a ring, you didn't even know about cause I was going to purpose to you on our 6 year anniversary. Despite everything we been through.

When I met you in 2018 on Okcupid it was truly like God was listening to me. Before I met you. I was so lost and worhless. Because my ex before you used me and manipulated me so much. That I sold my PS3 and everything at that time for her. I gave her 3000 dollars to only find out, she went to the Dominican Republic, and got engaged to her supposed ex at that time. It broke me entirely that I thought I would never be good enough for any woman. I fell into deep depression that I let her determine my worth so much that I believed her and got into trouble with the law. It took me many years to finally let her go and realized she never loved me. After I stopped bullshitting and wasting my time drinking and doing cocaine, I got my shit together and got a job at Nissan as a porter. It was not much but I did my best to make it work and keep my life together. As I was finally getting sober, and moving forward. I decided to try dating apps again.

When I got into dating apps I knew what I was in for. So many women are judgemental or want someone with a career or someone who has all this materialistic stuff. Believe it or not, for awhile I would talk to God and say, I would love a cute Latina, who is short and accepted me for me not my past or my current situation. Then you came along as I was about to delete the okcupid app and give you. I still remember the first message I sent you. " Hey Yesenia how are you doing? And you replied back after a few days. And wow.. when I first seen your photos I was so amazed how a medical assistant as you even finds me attractive? But you did . I still remember our first date when I took you to Chili's. The first time I met you , I was so in love with you when though I didn't say it at the time. But meeting you for the time and seeing your brown beautiful eyes captived me. I loved you for who you were the and the person you were.

I still remember when I got my my knees on September 7th of 2018, and asked you to be my girl. You said yes, and I hugged you so immensely that I still remember looking up at your ceiling and saying" thank you grampa for hearing me out and giving me what I wanted for so long.

Fast forward the day you broke up with me. July 30tn 2024. I know we had our problems and issues. But I never gave up on you. Even when you kept giving me ultimatums, I stuck with you because I loved you like a boyfriend should. So much I sold my laptop for you when you couldn't pay for your car that was under my name. But I did. It because I would do anything for you as I expressed it to you over the years. If you went missing. I would sell my soul or walk the end of the earth find you no matter where you are or go.

The day you broke up with me inws so hurt by your words and you telling me I should have been the man you needed? When I didn't have money or a job I sold my Xbox series X so you can have a brand new iPhone 15 plus. Cause you couldn't afford your Verizon bill anymore. I stepped up to make you happy and do anything for you. Even when I maxed out my best credit card so you can have a Nintendo switch. I paid 350 plus tax and you sold it for 60 bucks. I didn't say anything because I loved you and would do anything to get us by. Even though you were working part time and going to school full time. I always had your back. You even sold the work laptop I bought you under my zip account, and you sold it for 75 bucks.

Towards the end you shift blame on me and repost videos of me on Tik Tok to belittle me and insult me about being man? It hurts to know how cruel you became and telling me you aren't happy with me or the relationship anymore. And to say your going to call cops on me if went over your hosue to save our relationship.. cause that's what any man should do. I cried so hard, that you didn't even want to answer the phone because your excuse was" I don't want to hear you cry? I find it so ironic that woman say men are so heartless and don't shed a tear. But you always knew , how much I loved you and cared for you. As I begged you to not leave me, and said you and the cats are all I have and you said" I'm sorry but that's not enough ". In the end you destroyed my identity, that till this day, I wake up not knowing my self -anymore. I don't even feel like a man anymore when I wake up. I lost my man- hood , integrity, my sense of purpose in life. when you broke with me you said you want your own house and stuff. I'm sorry I failed you and didn't give you what you wanted. I'm sorry I'm such a fucking loser like you acknowledged. Even when I said you are hurting me badly you said " you don't think I know that? But that you couldn't keep lying to me, without any clarification? You broke me into a million pieces that you broke me that I cut myself and relapsed into drinking again.

You live your life like I never existed in your world. You wiped me off like Thanos. You blocked me off everything the same you broke up with me. Even after all that. You reported the phone under your name lost/stolen knowing you could have messaged me sister but you chose to use my past against me. Even when you said you would never do that to me in the years we were together. But in the end you treat me like you enemy, and after a month your already out and seeing someone else? It kills me that that's how to repay me. Even when you couldn't get a car under your name. I co signed for you a brand new 2021 Honda Civic under my name. You lost the car and I never gave you ultimatums or chances. I stuck with you because I loved you unconditionally. But you always put me on the spotlight about chances.

I never cheated on you. In 6 years I knew I wanted to be with you. I never doubted my love for you. Even when you want to school i always supported you. When you didn't have , I always brainstormed ides to get us cash or sold my shit to next to nothing. But now you make me seem like I am the monster for doing my best snd loving you and trying to save our relationship. But I guess you would rather thorw me in jail and use my past against me knowing how hard I tried to put it behind me.

Im sorry I was not enough for you and the fact, I will never be able to love or be good enough for a woman. What hurts the most. How after one month you are out seeing someone else and hooking up and staying on your Instagram how you" miss your hoodrat days"? And your out having fun and smiling saying your the victim? But you don't even take the time to see what you have done to me ? I did my best and gave it my all. But your telling me you want a man to give you everything and not have to work for it. But I am sorry I was not good enough for you or don't have 20k. Or a fancy house to prove I am not a loser. Despite all this. I still love you and miss you. I wish I can see you one more time and hug you and look. Into your beautiful brown eyes. But you won't even give me that. You would rather make my life hell and fuck other guys and throw into my face on Instagram. Like I never meant meant anything. You always knew my love for you. Am yet as I write this .. I'm ot even hooking up to going out to meet new woman. Because it does nothing at all besides fill a void.

Just know I do love and if you ever did need help I wouldn't turn my back on you and leave you. Cause the love I had for you was real. But I will never be able to compete with the men you want. Or the " man" you are seeking. Everyday I am hurting over you and I can't stop thinking about you. You were amazing woman and a damn good cook like your grandma. I'm sorry I can be enough for you or give you what wanted. I thought my love was enough. Even when you said you were unhappy and didn't feel the same about me the first day we met.

I know I will never see you again or know I. Didn't make you happy enough makes me only know I ain't worth a fucking damn. Even when repost videos about me on Tik Tok and insulting me and belittle me. It's fine cause I am used to it and deserve it.

Happy 6 year anniversary. Always know I loved you for you. Not your looks or beauty. Loved you cause my love was truly unconditional. I will always be here when you need me. You were my first real love. We had so much in common that we even finished each other's sentences. You were like a version of me. I hope the next guy makes you happy and give you what you want. I will never be the same. The damage is done. I'm sorry I was not enough and s piece of shit.